I am having a self crisis at the moment and would love some sound advice...
I think I am in denial about the whole break up thing because honestly being mad, well pissed, at someone for a long time doesn't mean your over them. We broke up, he hooked up with someone else, and we haven't said a single word to each other.. until today when he simply asked why my team wasn't going to Las Vegas anymore for a tournament. Should this offend me? No! But it did! We never talk... we're not even friends anymore, so what gives him the right to start a casual conversation with me when I've never even got an apology, better yet an explanation! Lets just say I'm sure the 20 second conversation didn't go the way he wanted it to... I just don't feel like I owe him anything... not even a decent conversation. If he wants that he can try alot harder....
My dilemma is that I cant get closure.. I mean being mad is good and all but it has to end sometime! How do you move on? I'm not the type that can do the rebound thing! I haven't even had the slightest desire to like someone else! It probably would have helped but I haven't freaked out at him like most girls do.. He has a new girlfriend (after he gave me the mission excuse which was obvious BS!) so I don't know if I even want to talk about it to him. All I would end up texting him and saying is your a jerk for lying and cheating and ask for the real reason he dumped me, but do I really wanna know? On the other hand what do I have to lose? Should I try texting him? I just don't know how to end this with myself and really move on. I don't want to keep hating him forever and continue to not like anyone else because deep down it still hurts that he did that to me and I want him to know it but I cant........... ah crud.
Help?
The first thing you have to understand is that boys are very good at pretending things didn't happen (it's something they are born with, you know like the "I didn't do it" excuse. So if you are expecting him to walk up to you and say "Look, I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings, I lied to you, I gave you excuses, in reality I just wanted to date other girls and didn't really know how to say it" HE WON'T! To him it never happened, he has forgotten about the pain he caused you, he hasn't forgotten about you, just the relationship that you had together. Boys seem to always remember who they dated for good or bad.
ReplyDeleteNow onto the hurting, in my opinion hurting is a good thing, the fact that you hurt shows that you are human and you are capable of caring about someone, which will come in handy later in life. As for how long it will last and how bad it will hurt that is always the question. It can amaze you how you can date someone for months and when you break up it seems like a relief. But you date someone for a couple of weeks and when you end it, it feels as if someone has ripped the biggest Barbie band-aid off, put it right back on and rip it off again. just remember hurting is good. If it didn't hurt they wouldn't call it heart broken.
Rebounding is not healthy for either party, you are not looking for anything serious and they just might be, so in the end it just ends up messy again. My advice would be to take some time off of worrying about boys, the previous one or the future ones. Yes it might be a little bit lonely at times but surround yourself with your friends, they are the ones that will care for you, especially when you need it most.
You never know when you take time off, you might unexpectedly find what your looking for on accident. It's like your lost shoe you can never seem to find it when you need it, the second you don't, it just seems to magically appear.
Hope this helps, just remember its called "Sound Advice" you can choose to listen or not.
I Noticed that there is this "six word" thing on this blog, and I had another thought.
ReplyDelete"Anger only hurts you not him!"
I know I have to stop being angry.. but how do you do that?
ReplyDeleteClosure is important. I am a firm believer in closure. Some people burn things as a form of closure. Or have one final scream at someone. And some people write it out. Others cry until they have no more tears. And sometimes people just get revenge.
ReplyDeleteI have done all of the above. They are all very effective.
A good friend of mine just recently went through a divorce. His wife is getting remarried and he is dating another woman.
ReplyDeleteHe was over at my friend's house visiting and we were having a conversation about his wife's wedding that was coming up. I was having some troubles with finding closure on a previous relationship and kept wondering how he found closure and how he could be so casual and cool about all of this. I then asked him: "How did you do it? I mean how did you get over her and find closure?"
He quickly replied (obviously he had already thought this out) and told me, "Closure is a spiritual experience: only you can feel it. Though you'll never stop comparing yourself to the guys she will date, or marry, or find yourself comparing other girls to her, it's all about the action you take when that feeling starts. Everyone feels a whole spectrum of emotion but what will ultimately define you is how you acted upon these emotions. Yeah, I can feel jealous and be bitter but that doesn't mean I should drag my whole world and everyone else's down with me. Only I could find closure. As badly as I wanted to scramble for excuses I knew deep down that I, and I alone, could find it."
My recommendation to you is to really ask yourself how you can find closure. He can't give it to you, only you can. Don't tell yourself you can't or else you never will. Now is a good time to find it because you will defintely be having to find it later.