Why! Just when I'm over you why do you always start talking to me again! No, ill never go back. You can count on that. In fact, write it down and remind me. You're right. I am jealous that you have a girlfriend (you lying sack of....) so it would really be nice if the occasional conversations we have weren't about her. Thank you, for not texting back when I told you the real reason I can't wait to graduate is to get over you and move on. That is exactly what I intend to do so have fun in your dead end relationship with someone still in high school. Loser.
Anyways...
Wake up! I know its never going to work out for us because you're a just friends type of guy (and I'm OK with that... sorta) and also because you're head over heels for the woman but really, stop wasting your time on her! She's playing you like a pro! It's so obvious. I wish you could see it and would realize that there's someone else who really likes being one of the guys, but would love having a chance with you! If not, that's just fine and I'll still be happy to help you with her games. Thanks for helping me get over him, wether you know you have or not.
Warning! (I know for a fact that there are males that know the URL. Don't ask who what when where why or how but its the same that's always causing trouble. Just putting that out there! In fact he'll probably read this. Hello.)
I decided I'd try it out---
6 word: Find me with your bright eyes.
Showing posts with label moving on. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving on. Show all posts
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Definition of Love.
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor,
so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or
smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness,
so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends'
turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
An Apology
Last night, at 12:05 precisely, I received a rather unexpected text just as I was going to bed. I never thought I'd see that name on my phone again. One word: "sorry".
Because it's been so long since I've posted I'd like to make this seem drastic. :] Let's begin in March of 2009...
I'd just cut off all communication with the swede. Over. Once and for all. Finis. I felt so free. And then there was the boy from my math class. Can we call him short stack? Okay. So short stack and I had been talking more which turned into the occasional wink. It wasn't till school was out that we really started spending time together.
The days were long, the nights were warm and I'd never felt so unrestricted. The song that comes to mind is "Summer Lovin" from Grease. heh. He seemed so flawless. The swede had been tense, controlling and passionate. Here was short stack who was relaxed, easy going and slow moving. (To give an example of the appeared perfection... I texted one night to see about going on a hike in the morning with friends Freckles: What are you doing tomorrow at seven a.m.? Short stack: The question is: What are we doing tomorrow at seven a.m.) The first time we held hands I felt like a giddy school girl. (Swede had kissed me long before he held my hand)
Summer was an absolute dream. (quite the opposite of some :/) Twilight Concert Series, sidewalk chalk and swings. (And no swede...) And just like any other dream, I had to wake up.
Come the first day of school and it was literally as though I'd dreamt the past three months. Short stack acted like we'd barely been acquainted and he was already annoyed by me. I tried to walk with him after second period and he acted like I was following him like an unwanted kitten. He greeted friends as usual and excluded me from the conversation.
First it was utter bewilderment. Then, as we blue personalities tend to do, I let it hurt me. I avoided looking at him. I put my head down right as I got to math lab every day. I wasn't very friendly or optimistic. It wasn't until that magical Tuesday late in September that my life seemed to right itself again. (I finally spoke to him like a big girl. Made it no pressure. Let him off easy. So of course all I got was a vague excuse.)
I'd like to say I never looked back. But our memories have a way of bringing back the best and worst of times and making them feel like they were yesterday. Those dream-like memories rushed back when I saw his name. (sounds dramatic right? :])
SS:sorry Fr:I appreciate that. SS:Thanks. :) (is it possible that he misunderstood me? No. It's probable.) Fr: Sure thing. SS:By the way... It's not that I didn't like you... It's that I didn't like myself. (mhmm.. Poetically vague... Could someone please translate?) Fr:It's cool. Live and learn eh. (Don't mock. This is me avoiding drama at all possible costs and the cost for this was a dumb reply. An empty one really...it put an end to the conversation at any rate.)
I really did appreciate the apology. Not much has changed. We joke around in math as much as we have since October but I have a little more respect for him now...like there's a chance at an odd friendship. And I don't mind so much. Everything's cool.
Because it's been so long since I've posted I'd like to make this seem drastic. :] Let's begin in March of 2009...
I'd just cut off all communication with the swede. Over. Once and for all. Finis. I felt so free. And then there was the boy from my math class. Can we call him short stack? Okay. So short stack and I had been talking more which turned into the occasional wink. It wasn't till school was out that we really started spending time together.
The days were long, the nights were warm and I'd never felt so unrestricted. The song that comes to mind is "Summer Lovin" from Grease. heh. He seemed so flawless. The swede had been tense, controlling and passionate. Here was short stack who was relaxed, easy going and slow moving. (To give an example of the appeared perfection... I texted one night to see about going on a hike in the morning with friends Freckles: What are you doing tomorrow at seven a.m.? Short stack: The question is: What are we doing tomorrow at seven a.m.) The first time we held hands I felt like a giddy school girl. (Swede had kissed me long before he held my hand)
Summer was an absolute dream. (quite the opposite of some :/) Twilight Concert Series, sidewalk chalk and swings. (And no swede...) And just like any other dream, I had to wake up.
Come the first day of school and it was literally as though I'd dreamt the past three months. Short stack acted like we'd barely been acquainted and he was already annoyed by me. I tried to walk with him after second period and he acted like I was following him like an unwanted kitten. He greeted friends as usual and excluded me from the conversation.
First it was utter bewilderment. Then, as we blue personalities tend to do, I let it hurt me. I avoided looking at him. I put my head down right as I got to math lab every day. I wasn't very friendly or optimistic. It wasn't until that magical Tuesday late in September that my life seemed to right itself again. (I finally spoke to him like a big girl. Made it no pressure. Let him off easy. So of course all I got was a vague excuse.)
I'd like to say I never looked back. But our memories have a way of bringing back the best and worst of times and making them feel like they were yesterday. Those dream-like memories rushed back when I saw his name. (sounds dramatic right? :])
SS:sorry Fr:I appreciate that. SS:Thanks. :) (is it possible that he misunderstood me? No. It's probable.) Fr: Sure thing. SS:By the way... It's not that I didn't like you... It's that I didn't like myself. (mhmm.. Poetically vague... Could someone please translate?) Fr:It's cool. Live and learn eh. (Don't mock. This is me avoiding drama at all possible costs and the cost for this was a dumb reply. An empty one really...it put an end to the conversation at any rate.)
I really did appreciate the apology. Not much has changed. We joke around in math as much as we have since October but I have a little more respect for him now...like there's a chance at an odd friendship. And I don't mind so much. Everything's cool.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
No more sob stories
After the strained weeks of still looking for him when I walk into a room, waiting for a call that'll never come, and having my hands feel so...dry.... I finally have moved on. I might have had a re bound---totally not worth it PS, I didn't really think you could be a bad kisser, but yes. It is more than possible!---but I've moved on! It's been atleast a 2 month process, but the guilt is gone. My pain has subsided, and I'm done. I don't even need attention from him at all; it's a great feeling I assure you.
To prove my point, I'd like to relate a story of mixed signals, black man lips (no racist connotations), and snowy nights......
His name is DFS. He's the funniest guy I've ever met. It's like he speaks in sarcasm. My favorite quote from one of our dates, "Stoplights are humans without legs." It means absolutely nothing, and yet I find it hysterical. You can go ahead laugh....now.
So once upon a time, DFS (I'm debating whether I should change it to DuFuS? Just because) Back to trying to sound mature, ahem.... I tried to be bold and I asked him on a date. We went up to temple square, by riding the tracks, and walked around. At one point he grabbed my hand and said, "Now I want you to know that I don't do this often. You should feel special because I hate holding hands, but I'm doing it for you." Now, had anyone else said this, I'd have been like, well fine! Don't hold my hand, see if I care. (Sometimes I take on the persona of a 7 yr. old) However since it was DFS, I actually found it sweet. I'd never really seen him like that; he actually seemed somewhat nervous if that's even possible for him. The evening proceeded without anything else noteworthy. We rode trax home which...I probably should have factored in MoTab concert traffic.... oh well! I guess you don't really mind when it's so crowded DFS' back is at the back of the train car.... and you conveniently end up in his arms for the duration of the 30 minute ride home. *cough*cough*It really wasn't my idea* Anyway, we just went and watched a movie till we decided to go home. I drove him home, he mocked my driving which wasn't entirely undeserved seeing as how I couldn't even get the key out of the ignition earlier....(it was my brother's car which had 4 wheel drive, it's my only defense!)
Now the story you've all been waiting for..... when I say "all" I mean CC and Freckles....
We pulled up at his house and he says, " well I guess now would be the time for me to kiss you..." Can I just remark upon how awkward I can be? Do I respond with a witty, confidently said, "yes I guess I'll let you," in the same sarcastic tone? Oh no.... I have to have a mind wipe and say, "If you want to?" in a mousy, quiet, and confused tone. Oh heavens...... we then have a short meaningless small talk that only exaggerates the fact that sometimes.... I need to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT! Enjoy the moment, if you will. Then he opens the door and says, "well I guess I'll be leaving now..." He turns for a split second, and then swivels around as he shuts the door again. My heart starts leaping out of my chest as his hand pulls my face slowly towards his, just gently..... he leans in and kisses me. Might I add that he has the biggest lips I've ever seen on any white man at all? I mean really, I didn't think it'd matter, but it does. Girls....it does. You haven't been kissed till you've been kissed by DFS. They almost... fold around yours. I can't tell if this is a good mental image or a gross one... but really it was a tender moment. We kissed a few times, and again my mind was.....blank except for me thinking constantly about how great this was because of his lips! Sometimes I can be such a...girl. As I drove away, I didn't even care that it was a snow storm outside or even that I had no idea what this meant but......it was a great night. I let out a girlish squeal of delight, unfortunately out loud (I'm embarassed to admit) as I drove away. The End.
Are you happy now CC?
And this leaves me with the condition of getting excited at every vibration...just in case it's him. I've now checked my sent box and outbox just to make sure my last message sent..... that was a side note. I now can't even feel like I'm in the room when he's there until he's acknowledged me....why must I be so pathetic?
Six word:
Pathetic heart: just got a jumpstart
To prove my point, I'd like to relate a story of mixed signals, black man lips (no racist connotations), and snowy nights......
His name is DFS. He's the funniest guy I've ever met. It's like he speaks in sarcasm. My favorite quote from one of our dates, "Stoplights are humans without legs." It means absolutely nothing, and yet I find it hysterical. You can go ahead laugh....now.
So once upon a time, DFS (I'm debating whether I should change it to DuFuS? Just because) Back to trying to sound mature, ahem.... I tried to be bold and I asked him on a date. We went up to temple square, by riding the tracks, and walked around. At one point he grabbed my hand and said, "Now I want you to know that I don't do this often. You should feel special because I hate holding hands, but I'm doing it for you." Now, had anyone else said this, I'd have been like, well fine! Don't hold my hand, see if I care. (Sometimes I take on the persona of a 7 yr. old) However since it was DFS, I actually found it sweet. I'd never really seen him like that; he actually seemed somewhat nervous if that's even possible for him. The evening proceeded without anything else noteworthy. We rode trax home which...I probably should have factored in MoTab concert traffic.... oh well! I guess you don't really mind when it's so crowded DFS' back is at the back of the train car.... and you conveniently end up in his arms for the duration of the 30 minute ride home. *cough*cough*It really wasn't my idea* Anyway, we just went and watched a movie till we decided to go home. I drove him home, he mocked my driving which wasn't entirely undeserved seeing as how I couldn't even get the key out of the ignition earlier....(it was my brother's car which had 4 wheel drive, it's my only defense!)
Now the story you've all been waiting for..... when I say "all" I mean CC and Freckles....
We pulled up at his house and he says, " well I guess now would be the time for me to kiss you..." Can I just remark upon how awkward I can be? Do I respond with a witty, confidently said, "yes I guess I'll let you," in the same sarcastic tone? Oh no.... I have to have a mind wipe and say, "If you want to?" in a mousy, quiet, and confused tone. Oh heavens...... we then have a short meaningless small talk that only exaggerates the fact that sometimes.... I need to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT! Enjoy the moment, if you will. Then he opens the door and says, "well I guess I'll be leaving now..." He turns for a split second, and then swivels around as he shuts the door again. My heart starts leaping out of my chest as his hand pulls my face slowly towards his, just gently..... he leans in and kisses me. Might I add that he has the biggest lips I've ever seen on any white man at all? I mean really, I didn't think it'd matter, but it does. Girls....it does. You haven't been kissed till you've been kissed by DFS. They almost... fold around yours. I can't tell if this is a good mental image or a gross one... but really it was a tender moment. We kissed a few times, and again my mind was.....blank except for me thinking constantly about how great this was because of his lips! Sometimes I can be such a...girl. As I drove away, I didn't even care that it was a snow storm outside or even that I had no idea what this meant but......it was a great night. I let out a girlish squeal of delight, unfortunately out loud (I'm embarassed to admit) as I drove away. The End.
Are you happy now CC?
And this leaves me with the condition of getting excited at every vibration...just in case it's him. I've now checked my sent box and outbox just to make sure my last message sent..... that was a side note. I now can't even feel like I'm in the room when he's there until he's acknowledged me....why must I be so pathetic?
Six word:
Pathetic heart: just got a jumpstart
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)