An Apology

Last night, at 12:05 precisely, I received a rather unexpected text just as I was going to bed. I never thought I'd see that name on my phone again. One word: "sorry".

Because it's been so long since I've posted I'd like to make this seem drastic. :] Let's begin in March of 2009...

I'd just cut off all communication with the swede. Over. Once and for all. Finis. I felt so free. And then there was the boy from my math class. Can we call him short stack? Okay. So short stack and I had been talking more which turned into the occasional wink. It wasn't till school was out that we really started spending time together.

The days were long, the nights were warm and I'd never felt so unrestricted. The song that comes to mind is "Summer Lovin" from Grease. heh. He seemed so flawless. The swede had been tense, controlling and passionate. Here was short stack who was relaxed, easy going and slow moving. (To give an example of the appeared perfection... I texted one night to see about going on a hike in the morning with friends Freckles: What are you doing tomorrow at seven a.m.? Short stack: The question is: What are we doing tomorrow at seven a.m.) The first time we held hands I felt like a giddy school girl. (Swede had kissed me long before he held my hand)

Summer was an absolute dream. (quite the opposite of some :/) Twilight Concert Series, sidewalk chalk and swings. (And no swede...) And just like any other dream, I had to wake up.

Come the first day of school and it was literally as though I'd dreamt the past three months. Short stack acted like we'd barely been acquainted and he was already annoyed by me. I tried to walk with him after second period and he acted like I was following him like an unwanted kitten. He greeted friends as usual and excluded me from the conversation.

First it was utter bewilderment. Then, as we blue personalities tend to do, I let it hurt me. I avoided looking at him. I put my head down right as I got to math lab every day. I wasn't very friendly or optimistic. It wasn't until that magical Tuesday late in September that my life seemed to right itself again. (I finally spoke to him like a big girl. Made it no pressure. Let him off easy. So of course all I got was a vague excuse.)

I'd like to say I never looked back. But our memories have a way of bringing back the best and worst of times and making them feel like they were yesterday. Those dream-like memories rushed back when I saw his name. (sounds dramatic right? :])

SS:sorry Fr:I appreciate that. SS:Thanks. :) (is it possible that he misunderstood me? No. It's probable.) Fr: Sure thing. SS:By the way... It's not that I didn't like you... It's that I didn't like myself. (mhmm.. Poetically vague... Could someone please translate?) Fr:It's cool. Live and learn eh. (Don't mock. This is me avoiding drama at all possible costs and the cost for this was a dumb reply. An empty one really...it put an end to the conversation at any rate.)

I really did appreciate the apology. Not much has changed. We joke around in math as much as we have since October but I have a little more respect for him now...like there's a chance at an odd friendship. And I don't mind so much. Everything's cool.