Sweet Success

I've lived in constant fear that if the one guy I've ever considered myself to love.... would come crawling back. You see PS and I have a history, years in fact, but I'd moved on. It might have taken a few months, but I did it. However, here he comes again looking for a summer romance. The fear lies in that I thought I'd come running back into his arms. I'm proud to say I didn't. We've evolved into two entirely different people. At least, I have. We just don't fit anymore, and we merely make perfect friends. Sure, I fit right under your arm, we still have the same tastes, and yes, there'll probably always be something there. However, I've moved on from you and the girl I was. I just can't do that again!
I'm here to say.... no. I'm sticking it to the man, and proving your manipulation techniques are now transparent and useless.
I'm back.

six word: Bam. Take that corrupting heart breaker.

Valentines disappointment... story of my life!

Well to make a long story short... I would have had a lot to say (like usual) about Valentines Day but I got to go to San Fransisco with my family and my Dad's debate team from Cottonwood. Lets just say that could have been an opportunistic Valentines situation but turns out all the debate students at Cottonwood are a little um... strange. So consequently I was alone again. A good alone though. Its good to get away with your family and strange people on a holiday like this to get your mind of things and specific people.
Let me back it up real fast and update you....
So as you know, DL (deuchelord) finished his two month cycle and came back for me. I played it Beyonce hard but even Beyonce has breakdowns I'm sure... Don't get mad yet I have a good story to back me up. I told him he better work freaking hard because I'm not going through his crap again. I said i didn't trust him and if he wanted any kind of relationship, even friendship, he would have to prove it because his word meant nothing to me anymore.

So he did just that.

Worked FREAKING hard and I fell for it again. After two weeks of him being all cutesy and flirty I finally let down a couple layers of the wall id built against him and he plowed through. (Bluntly put he asked me on a date and by the end of the night being all over me, we made out.) So 12:00 his buddy who witnessed him being completely legit all over me texted me

saying

so Beyonce, what has DL told you about him and X. I said um he says they're just friends. He replies um well i think you need to talk to him about that.... At that point I completely knew what had happened. 5 other people texted me that day confirming it so i told the X what happened the previous night. She was pissed. I was pissed. The awesome thing is that i still hadn't heard from DL since the kiss goodnight on Thursday. Saturday night when i was in Vegas i get a text saying hey... RRRR!!!

So I just bluntly asked whats going on with him and X and he says oh well we still have a thing but i like both of you.... Is that supposed to make it ok? He honestly doesn't think hes doing anything wrong... do you know what a player is because your name is in the dictionary!!! So i said a couple choice explicit words and we haven't talked since. This is two weekends now. Something crappy always happens right before Valentines that really helps me wallow in self pity.
Congratulations! You really had me going again! But this just proves how much of a DL you really are and I'm proud to say I'm really over it! Finally closure! And even better... X dumped him so now hes completely alone! That's what happens when you play Beyonce.... for the third time. oh I'm pathetic.

Girl Rules

There are a few simple rules I feel like we must recall concerning friends and boys.

1. If she likes him first (or even just says she does first), you don't like him, flirt with him, look at him, or even think about him.

2. Don't participate in any form of PDA in front of your friends; it's annoying.

3. If he's her "sort of boyfriend," don't kiss him. If he claims they aren't together, ask around. You can't trust him on this.

4. If he breaks her heart, break his face.

5. If he cheats on her, elbow him really hard right after he eats a ton of Cafe Rio. (Be careful on this one; he might not ever let you in his house again.)

6. If she "hates" him, but you can tell she secretly is in love with him, DON'T ask her to admit it until she's good and ready, or until she's crying on your bed at 3 AM asking why she isn't happy.

7. If she says she's over him, but you can tell she isn't, DON'T think you have a chance. And DON'T push her to admit she's not over him.

8. Friends don't let friends *re-date.

9. If he sticks his tongue down her throat without permission, grab a golf club and meet him at the park across the street from his house. Bring reinforcements.

10. If you know he's trouble and she won't listen, make sure to be there when the prodigal girl returns, her lesson learned. You'll only alienate her by trying to control her. And most girls like that "trouble" thing anyway.

11. If your friends are telling you he's trouble, you might want to listen. Seriously, folks.

12. If she has just broken up with her boyfriend and is trying to date other people and she really needs you to find a date to double with and go with her, DO IT.

13. Be understanding if your friend can't find a date to double with you.

14. A good lesson from kindergarten... if she says she likes him, don't tell her he picks his nose. She won't forget it. Ever.

15. If she wants to tell you every detail of last night's make-out session, listen. Laugh when appropriate.

16. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

17. If she needs you, and you can tell she needs you, drop the boy like a hot potato and be there for your friend!

18. Don't date her brother. She will not approve.

19. Try not to tell too many guys about the Boy Blog. Too many boys and girls reputations could be ruined.

20. Love your friends and stand by them ALWAYS, especially when they're wrong!

*Re-date: the act of dating a guy after already having broken up one or more times

History Repeats Itself

I'm not sure whether I'm just skeptical, unforgiving, or both. But apparently this famous essayist and publisher, Norman Cousins, agrees with me. "History is a vast early warning system."

History repeats itself. Different years and different zip codes, but same stories.

This applies to people also. People live in patterns. Why do you think our religion is based around a book that tells the story of the pride cycle? (Then tells it again and again and again...)

You don't have to learn the hard way... AGAIN. Learn from past mistakes.

P.S. Don't sleep over at boy's houses!!!

(added 1/5/09)

I would like to take back what I said about sleeping over at boy's houses. I mean, it's still a bad idea, but I have to take it back so I'm not a hypocrite.

Rainbow's Opinion About Cycling

My opinion with the whole Swede thing is that he'll probably go back into the same cycle. I feel negative and stuff but I believe that's the truth.

My boy things... hmmm. I slept at a guy's house Friday night. WEIRD!!! Nothing bad happened. Don't worry. It was just one of those things I guess. But he was cute and made it not weird (as un-weird as it possibly could be.)

Swede's Cycle

I'm not sure I've really got any vital information to share. I just haven't posted for the longest time... So I should try to think of something right? Boys... Boys?? It seems that there is only one boy that has managed to make himself a permanent fixture in my mind.

Swede... He went from awkward, to funny, to sweet, to manipulative and angry and depressed, to suicidal and psycho and scary and irrational, to non-existent in my life, to acquaintance-like, to friendly and sorry, to sane and reasonable and semi-sweet (sounds like a chocolate chip...).

Now what. Every bit of my past experience leads directly to the conclusion that we are never to be more than very casual friends on occasion. So why is it that when he gets too close or, like that one really weird time at Moose's house, he put his arms around me (yikes!) my stomach drops (you know, like on a roller coaster. or maybe more like an elevator...). The obvious answer is to continue chanting my ever-relevant motto "It's just hormones. It's just hormones" over and over in my mind and to practically ignore the issue all together.

Of course now I'm wondering what the issue really is. He doesn't want me to be his girlfriend... I guess I'm just nervous to get in too deep again. Nervous that he'll revert to that seemingly permanent state of mind, where he contemplates suicide and feels like everyone hates him and tries to manipulate me, that scares me so much. At the moment he seems completely rational and very nearly sane. And I feel like his mother when I say he's made a ton of terrific progress. In fact I feel like we're on great terms right now. In fact I'm pretty sure I really wouldn't mind having him as a fairly close guy friend. I can handle that can't I? Or the bigger question, can he?