I'm not sure I've really got any vital information to share. I just haven't posted for the longest time... So I should try to think of something right? Boys... Boys?? It seems that there is only one boy that has managed to make himself a permanent fixture in my mind.
Swede... He went from awkward, to funny, to sweet, to manipulative and angry and depressed, to suicidal and psycho and scary and irrational, to non-existent in my life, to acquaintance-like, to friendly and sorry, to sane and reasonable and semi-sweet (sounds like a chocolate chip...).
Now what. Every bit of my past experience leads directly to the conclusion that we are never to be more than very casual friends on occasion. So why is it that when he gets too close or, like that one really weird time at Moose's house, he put his arms around me (yikes!) my stomach drops (you know, like on a roller coaster. or maybe more like an elevator...). The obvious answer is to continue chanting my ever-relevant motto "It's just hormones. It's just hormones" over and over in my mind and to practically ignore the issue all together.
Of course now I'm wondering what the issue really is. He doesn't want me to be his girlfriend... I guess I'm just nervous to get in too deep again. Nervous that he'll revert to that seemingly permanent state of mind, where he contemplates suicide and feels like everyone hates him and tries to manipulate me, that scares me so much. At the moment he seems completely rational and very nearly sane. And I feel like his mother when I say he's made a ton of terrific progress. In fact I feel like we're on great terms right now. In fact I'm pretty sure I really wouldn't mind having him as a fairly close guy friend. I can handle that can't I? Or the bigger question, can he?
Swede... He went from awkward, to funny, to sweet, to manipulative and angry and depressed, to suicidal and psycho and scary and irrational, to non-existent in my life, to acquaintance-like, to friendly and sorry, to sane and reasonable and semi-sweet (sounds like a chocolate chip...).
Now what. Every bit of my past experience leads directly to the conclusion that we are never to be more than very casual friends on occasion. So why is it that when he gets too close or, like that one really weird time at Moose's house, he put his arms around me (yikes!) my stomach drops (you know, like on a roller coaster. or maybe more like an elevator...). The obvious answer is to continue chanting my ever-relevant motto "It's just hormones. It's just hormones" over and over in my mind and to practically ignore the issue all together.
Of course now I'm wondering what the issue really is. He doesn't want me to be his girlfriend... I guess I'm just nervous to get in too deep again. Nervous that he'll revert to that seemingly permanent state of mind, where he contemplates suicide and feels like everyone hates him and tries to manipulate me, that scares me so much. At the moment he seems completely rational and very nearly sane. And I feel like his mother when I say he's made a ton of terrific progress. In fact I feel like we're on great terms right now. In fact I'm pretty sure I really wouldn't mind having him as a fairly close guy friend. I can handle that can't I? Or the bigger question, can he?
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