I'm Not Ready to Let You Go

It would have been a pathetic sight, had anyone been watching. Or perhaps it would have been heart wrenching; I don't know. My black heels slid repeatedly on the ice as I struggled to drag my heavy suitcase through the snow, watching it become more and more entrenched the harder I tried to pull it through what has got the be the worlds least convenient form of precipitation, next to hurricanes.

Through my tears, I misjudged the step ahead of me and fell to my knees, the words my mom had yelled as I packed my bags still repeating in my mind. It was sheer determination that got my heavy luggage in the trunk without slipping again off my feet, or perhaps my pure desire to get away as soon as possible. It was past midnight on a Saturday night, two weeks before Christmas. I cleared the driveway just as the first, fragile snowflakes began to fall.

Minutes later, I pulled into the Del Taco parking lot where Bobby and I had agreed to meet. Keeping my balance through the quick sprint from my car to his, I climbed into the passenger seat and tried to thaw out, hoping that he couldn't see the tears still spilling down my cheeks and knowing that he could. He asked a few questions concerning my general well-being, which I assured him was well on it's way to being perfectly adequate. He ignored my obvious lie and reminded me instead that he loved me, that he was there for me and that everything would be alright.

"I think we should just be friends."

I forced the words through my lips before I could find a reason to change my mind. I knew the phrase was cliche and overused, but I had simply wanted to get it out as quickly as possible and so skipped over the part where I would think of a more creative replacement for 'I'm breaking up with you.'

"Okay, whatever you want," he answered with an expression and tone of voice that implied that he would promptly carve out his own heart if he thought it would make me happy. Or maybe I'm being melodramatic.

The thing is, I really, really didn't want to break up with Bobby. We had only been together for a few months and he had a way of making me happy pretty much all the time, not just those few months but the better part of a year leading up to them. He had played the role of my best friend, while ever so patiently waiting for any shot I would give him at being my 'The One.' I knew that I could trust him with my whole heart, should I decide to give it to him. The problem was, my heart was in no condition to be given away, even to this sweet boy.

Still, his quick answer broke through my cloud of self pity long enough to surprise me. I didn't know what I had been expecting exactly, but I was fairly certain that an immediate "Okay" was not on the list.

We sat in comparative silence for a few minutes as I willed my pain to quit leaking out of my eyes in droplets. He occasionally expressed concern for my welfare, and I continued to pretend that I was okay. I wondered briefly if perhaps he hadn't in fact noticed that I had just requested the immediate termination of our relationship. I couldn't really see how he could have missed it. I had been pretty straightforward.

"I'm sorry," I said, minutes later.

"Sorry for what?"

"That we can't be together."

This time a quick reply was not forthcoming. I risked a glance at him and saw that his gaze was fixed ahead at the building snowstorm, his face an emotionless mask.

So he had noticed. While this was more in keeping with my subconscious expectations, I did not enjoy the fact that I had indeed hurt him.

"We should probably be going," he said, with part concern and part feigned nonchalance.

He was right. The storm was getting fiercer by the minute, and the freeway was going to be a nightmare. I followed behind him in my car as we slowly navigated the I15, sliding out only a few times on Bangerter but fortunately missing obstacles such as other cars. It was a full hour before I was safely perched on his couch, cocooned in the blankets that he had fetched and wrapped around me the moment we arrived, as was our tradition. Bobby's family had taken me in on several occasions that year, when disagreements with my parents had resulted in one or the other of us suggesting I find somewhere else to stay. Tonight was hardly new to Bobby's family. It held a marked difference for me however.

If you leave now you better not plan on coming back...

Knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep for a while, Bobby started the season finale of Glee while I acted vaguely comatose. I both yearned for and dreaded any sort of physical contact, reacting with equal amounts of relief and pain when he finally placed his arm around my shoulders. It didn't last long, however. He soon removed his arm and a minuted later we had both shifted so that we were no longer touching each other at all. We didn't make eye contact.

I silently congratulated myself that I had gone so long without crying. Ah, the miracle of television. I vaguely recall watching more TV, and then discussing the events of the night, but honestly this is where it all gets hazy. In any other company I might suspect having been drugged. I suppose it must have been the stress. In any case, I don't remember what we watched or what was said.

I do remember when we decided that it was time we tried to sleep. We walked together down the stairs to his basement bedroom and he busied himself with straightening the bed and covering all glowing surfaces. I can't sleep if there's any light in the room; this includes clocks, computers and the various lights that much of our modern technology seems to come with these days. He had always been the one to see to every detail of my comfort. The only part that I wasn't used to was the way he quietly moved around the room as if in a great hurry, and the way that he wouldn't look at me.

"Okay then, goodnight."

And he was gone. Just like that. Without another word or glance to suggest that he could ever forgive me. I stood there, shocked in the wake of his abrupt dismissal. He had never, in the ten months that I had known him, left me like that before. Things were bad.

Gone were the tears that stole silently across my face. Replacing them were sobs that wracked my whole body; I held my breath to keep the sounds from escaping my throat, shaking violently with repressed pain. I fell onto his bed, taking only as much breath as was absolutely needed.

It was perhaps a minute later that I heard a sudden knock on the door. I hurriedly dried my eyes and sat up.

"Come in."

I swear on my life, it was just like the movies.

The door swung open and Bobby strode determinedly into the room, eyes locked on mine. Not stopping until he was directly in front of me, he leaned down to eye level.

"I'm not ready to let you go," he said gently, and he kissed me.

He held me until I felt calm again, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be okay after all.

Interviews with Boys

The new welcoming video has inspired me to create my own interview for boys. I hope the answers to the questions below help you out a little, and maybe help you with your various situations....

Tell me about your first kiss:
TD-I can't even remember it.
ZZ-Truth or Dare. She was in 5th grade and I was in 6th. She still denies we kissed to this day.

How many girls have you kissed and how many of them were make outs?
TD-17 kisses and 10 make outs
ZZ-7 kisses and 5 make outs

How do you know a girl wants to be kissed?
TD-Primo instinct. It just comes to me, and I can just tell.
ZZ- There's this look on her face.

How do you know a girl likes you?
TD- Usually she just tells me. I just hate it when her friend is the one to tell me. Never have a go between!
ZZ- She just shows more interest in you than other guys.

How do you show that you like a girl?
TD- I don't, I mean I treat them all the same. I'm just really nice. If I really like a girl, I will tell her. Honesty is the best policy obviously.
ZZ- I just try to make sure she notices me more so than others.

How do you make the girl you're interested in feel special?
TD-I give her lots of physical attention. I'll give her hugs, hold her hand, put my arm around her shoulder...that sort of thing.
ZZ-Treat her differently so that she knows and feels special. I'll give her flowers or something.

How would you tell a girl you're not interested?
TD-Well I used to make sure that the girl would see me with some other girl. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Then I realized it had the opposite effect. So after I gained more "life experience" I just maintain a tight friendship boundary line.
ZZ-That's difficult. I would just tell her straight up, and I have before. I would just make it clear that I value her friendship more than anything and that I wouldn't want to ruin anything with a relationship.

What is the first thing you notice in a girl?
TD-Eyes
ZZ- It's almost physically impossible not to judge someone by their looks. As far as like mentally....she has to be open.

What is your biggest turn off?
TD-Definitely when she wears too much make up. I hate it when you can see where the foundation stuff ends right before their hairline.
ZZ-When she's fake. It's when she tries to be something she's not just to attract a certain type of person.

What is some advice you'd give to girls concerning guys?
TD- Just talk. Guys are going to be more comfortable with you if they don't have to do all the work. Never bring up your personal issues on a first date. (He gave the example of a first date he went on where the girl had said.....I hate my parents, my best friend and I are fighting, ect. He said, if she couldn't get along with all of those people, how were we supposed to get along?)
ZZ- Once you get past the bull shit, you'll learn who they really are. BS meaning the calky attitude, ect. The "front" of what they want to be perceived as. You just can't get past that in high school because both of you care too much about what others think still. (No matter how much you deny it)

What are some reasons you've broken up with girls?
TD-I've been cheated on and lied to. Also, when a girl wants to text all of the time I can't handle it. -and when she has no ambition.
ZZ-One time I didn't want to be with this girl anymore, and I was just looking for a reason to break up with her. So, when she decorated my room for Valentine's Day with glitter, confetti, ect. I told her I wanted to break up because of that. I just used it as an excuse. (*See? I think it's always something larger.) Also, I would break up if I ever felt like I was the only one making an effort in the relationship.

Tell me about an awkward kissing story:
TD-Let's just say I don't buy popcorn when I'm at a movie with a girl.
ZZ- I kissed a girl solely for the purpose to piss off my current girlfriend, so she'd break up with me. I tried to track down the poor girl I'd kissed to apologize but I never did. I honestly just really like the girl's (referring to his girlfriend) voice! She was an amazing singer!

Eye contact rule: True or False? (Referring to Sparkle Lily's....as he takes you to your door, if you make eye contact at all while you walk and talk then you'll most likely kiss)
TD- False
ZZ-False

What is your fix all when you're in trouble with a girl?
TD-I just talk to her about it. I'll listen, really listen, to why she feels the way she does, and then let her decide how she wants me to fix it.
ZZ-Flowers

First date: group or single?
TD-single, if she can't be herself around me then where would the whole thing go?
ZZ-group, it takes off some of the awkwardness.

L-Word:
TD- I don't say it unless I'm serious when i say it.
ZZ-It's completely over used. A high school student isn't experiencing real life. You see each other at school, in a class, ect. but then you have a 10 hour break from each other. You won't experience real love until there isn't any breaks, when you both have separate jobs, and you're parents aren't paying for your dates.

What's the sign for "I want to hold your hand?"
ZZ- I just brush my hand against theirs casually; I get closer and closer, and when she doesn't move away....I just grab it.

How do you show you're angry?
ZZ-I just stop talking.

Six word: So I am supposed to talk?

No more sob stories

After the strained weeks of still looking for him when I walk into a room, waiting for a call that'll never come, and having my hands feel so...dry.... I finally have moved on. I might have had a re bound---totally not worth it PS, I didn't really think you could be a bad kisser, but yes. It is more than possible!---but I've moved on! It's been atleast a 2 month process, but the guilt is gone. My pain has subsided, and I'm done. I don't even need attention from him at all; it's a great feeling I assure you.
To prove my point, I'd like to relate a story of mixed signals, black man lips (no racist connotations), and snowy nights......

His name is DFS. He's the funniest guy I've ever met. It's like he speaks in sarcasm. My favorite quote from one of our dates, "Stoplights are humans without legs." It means absolutely nothing, and yet I find it hysterical. You can go ahead laugh....now.

So once upon a time, DFS (I'm debating whether I should change it to DuFuS? Just because) Back to trying to sound mature, ahem.... I tried to be bold and I asked him on a date. We went up to temple square, by riding the tracks, and walked around. At one point he grabbed my hand and said, "Now I want you to know that I don't do this often. You should feel special because I hate holding hands, but I'm doing it for you." Now, had anyone else said this, I'd have been like, well fine! Don't hold my hand, see if I care. (Sometimes I take on the persona of a 7 yr. old) However since it was DFS, I actually found it sweet. I'd never really seen him like that; he actually seemed somewhat nervous if that's even possible for him. The evening proceeded without anything else noteworthy. We rode trax home which...I probably should have factored in MoTab concert traffic.... oh well! I guess you don't really mind when it's so crowded DFS' back is at the back of the train car.... and you conveniently end up in his arms for the duration of the 30 minute ride home. *cough*cough*It really wasn't my idea* Anyway, we just went and watched a movie till we decided to go home. I drove him home, he mocked my driving which wasn't entirely undeserved seeing as how I couldn't even get the key out of the ignition earlier....(it was my brother's car which had 4 wheel drive, it's my only defense!)

Now the story you've all been waiting for..... when I say "all" I mean CC and Freckles....
We pulled up at his house and he says, " well I guess now would be the time for me to kiss you..." Can I just remark upon how awkward I can be? Do I respond with a witty, confidently said, "yes I guess I'll let you," in the same sarcastic tone? Oh no.... I have to have a mind wipe and say, "If you want to?" in a mousy, quiet, and confused tone. Oh heavens...... we then have a short meaningless small talk that only exaggerates the fact that sometimes.... I need to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT! Enjoy the moment, if you will. Then he opens the door and says, "well I guess I'll be leaving now..." He turns for a split second, and then swivels around as he shuts the door again. My heart starts leaping out of my chest as his hand pulls my face slowly towards his, just gently..... he leans in and kisses me. Might I add that he has the biggest lips I've ever seen on any white man at all? I mean really, I didn't think it'd matter, but it does. Girls....it does. You haven't been kissed till you've been kissed by DFS. They almost... fold around yours. I can't tell if this is a good mental image or a gross one... but really it was a tender moment. We kissed a few times, and again my mind was.....blank except for me thinking constantly about how great this was because of his lips! Sometimes I can be such a...girl. As I drove away, I didn't even care that it was a snow storm outside or even that I had no idea what this meant but......it was a great night. I let out a girlish squeal of delight, unfortunately out loud (I'm embarassed to admit) as I drove away. The End.
Are you happy now CC?

And this leaves me with the condition of getting excited at every vibration...just in case it's him. I've now checked my sent box and outbox just to make sure my last message sent..... that was a side note. I now can't even feel like I'm in the room when he's there until he's acknowledged me....why must I be so pathetic?

Six word:
Pathetic heart: just got a jumpstart

Here's to you CC

First off... what is with the snails? Does that look inviting at all? Does it have any relation to boys in general? They aren't all slugs..... I should amend that sentence: They aren't all slugs ALL the time? huh.... I'll work on it.



Well, it's been a while... obviously. So here's the run down: PV &J (ironic nickname given by another friend that's a guy) lasted 5 months... with only one break up in there, and we were only broken up for what? 3 days? Anyway....



So during the relationship, everything was great! It was like our hands were like puzzle pieces, they just fit. We'd be able to just sit quietly and yet leave like it was a great conversation. I didn't feel insecure when I was with him because, well.....I was too focused on the fact that I loved and adored him. Yes.... that's right, I loved him. I truly and sincerely believed that I was in love with him. Unfortunately, when you experience such a great high....you've got to come down sometime. So, at the first break up.....



I thought we'd come to clear up some miscommunication or something. I figured our conversation would end on a relationship strengthening note. Ha. nice try Red Tulip, you were wrong yet again. As it turns out, he's here to stab a hidden dagger into your heart, twist it, and then do it over and over again as he tells you he loves you....he's just starting to lust after other girls. "It's nothing you've done! It's all me." Bull. He started crying. Oh my hell, okay so then I start crying. (Don't judge, my heart had just been shattered by a wrecking ball) As my tears slid silently down my face, the sobs started to build up. I couldn't tell if I wanted to stay with him or run as fast as I could, away. I didn't care where, just away from this pain, hurt, and anguish. I chose to stay. Why? Because the one person I wanted to comfort me -tell me it was all going to be okay, and that there are good things coming from this...! -yeah....he was right in front of me. I'd invested everything into this! Never had I put myself out there, no... never had I ever put my heart out there. Well, he comforted me sure... but it was a "we have to be friends. I can't lose you, I still love you." PV &J, do you fetching hear yourself? The sobs broke through the iron barrier I'd set up and I simply snapped. A few more words, and we parted ways.



Never had I ever felt so.... worthless, undesirable, and (I'd really like to swear here, because it seems appropriate....) crappy. These were things I'd never even thought I had a problem with! I was miserable to say the least. To make matters worse, he still called me. I saw the caller ID, and I couldn't not answer, I mean it was him. Him, who I'd let see a side of me no one else had, the person who, with one look could either cheer me up or tear me down. Small talk is really hard to come up with when it's just a ante-conversation for the after-break-up-talk.


Fast forward to 2 days later.


He calls me up, and leaves a voicemail. Something was wrong and I knew that just from his voice, a skill I'd aquired through out the past time that I hadn't even noticed passing. I called him back. He said everything my shriveled up heart wanted to hear. "I still love you, Everything was a mistake, I knew the moment I got in my car...." Words that were left meaningless as I tried to recall them to him a mere month later. We met up at the place we broke up....oh the irony of that spot. He was playing a song on the guitar, a song he'd wrote to express the pain he'd been feeling all weekend. I sat there awkwardly for the first time with him, and I didn't know what to do. He said everything I wanted to hear and more but now was the time.... get back together and relinquish my hold on everything I stood for? (I'm refering to Sparkle Lily's situation with TS. You just don't go back.) or.... wallow in my misery when everything that had made me happy for the past few months was sitting right in front of me. I felt like I needed to think, but the time to answer was now! What do you think I chose? It is after I made my decision that yes, we'll get back together, that he informs me of some of his activities throughout the past few days. Turns out he'd kissed another girl. Mind you, this is the girl he dumped me for? "I just needed someone to talk to, and I couldn't talk to you so...." Bull. Regardless, I must inform you that he lied to me about this multiple times. First story: They didn't kiss. Second story: We just kissed quick twice, it was like kissing a brick wall. Third story: Okay, so it wasn't short, but it wasn't a make out! Fourth, and final story: Yeah, we made out.


Don't ask me why I still went through with it. And no, I wasn't smart enough not to kiss him that day either.


Doesn't matter, because it only lasted another month.....a few days after homecoming. I didn't even cry in front of him that time. He sure did, but I stayed dry. (Same spot PS) And that is the story of PV&J. (Note: he comes from the post on prom in may? I think)





Here's my six word: He cried while breaking my heart.





(I'm putting a six word memoir with every post from now on, just for your information.)

I would also like to note that now he's the one being played by a girl who's currently playing 4 other guys... just saying.... go karma!

oh the DRAMA!

Hello everyone! this is my first post since the boy blog has been up and running again. i am so freaking excited and i have much to say.... last summer was boring. altho a certain person we will call J.H. told me he liked me. that all great and everything except for the fact i had no feelings for him whatsoever. he moved on and we stayed best friends until football season when he started dating this cheerleader. it really pissed me off. i started to have feeling for him, or so i thought, so i told him i liked him and he basically dumped the other chick and told me he never stopped liking me. SCORE!!! anyways it was fun and all until a week later when he kissed me and sad to say i felt nothing I REPEAT NOTHING! i feel awful saying this but you know how you feel that great feeling in the pit of your stomach... no that definitely wasn't there. very sad. i tried to ignore it for a while but you can only ignore something like that for so long. when your thinking about how much better this other guy --T.S. -- is at kissing while your kissing your boyfriends and how you would really like to kiss T.S. right now, you know you should probably break up with him... so i did... very sad the next night i hung out with T.S. and he told me he liked me ugh! --- here is the side story this is the same T.S. who has cheated on me dozens of times. --that night we laid on his brothers bed listening to Damien Rice with the lights off... it was so hard not to kiss him! i knew i shouldn't because one i just broke up with J.S. and we were still going threw that "maybe we could work it out" stage although i knew there was no hope. and two i didn't want to give him what he wanted because i knew what was on his mind.

So now i am stuck in this situation. me and J.S. are pretty good although he is still a little bitter because all i told him when i broke up with him was that "i wasn't feeling it anymore" which was true i just didn't tell him i never did. and me and T.S. went to a movie last night and cuddled. what do i do?!?! i cant go back to the loser who has cheated on me a billion times! but what you need to understand is that i have never been so attracted to someone. i don't know if this is normal but i seriously get that feeling in my stomach when i just stand by him... imagion kissing him! it so annoying! well ill let you know what happens next in my pathetic life haha... later

sparklelily

oh and just as an fyi this is the same T.S. who gave me the giant down comforter which i still have haha.... if you forgot look under 2009-march-The breakup ... finally... it will tell the whole story :)

A RE-DECLARATION of lip virginity... why does this always happen to me?

Since my last post, I have cause to re-declare my lip virginity. How many times can you do that, you ask? Let me tell you. As many as it takes. As many as it takes until you've directed yourself past the candy aisle of Wal-Mart into the safer haven of the vegetable section where temptation is far and few. I'm hoping my slip-ups are reaching an end, because last night I realized that I'm wading into deep of end of deception where One Tree Hill has got me thinking that true love could be around any corner. Lip-locks have got to start meaning something or I'm wasting my time.

It may have just started raining. *Sigh.* Time to go dance and wait for my knight in shining armor to take me into his arms and - damn. Stupid TV shows, getting my hopes up.

Confession!

Hee hee! So I feel a little crazy right now. I'm a little euphoric... That's right people... I BEEN KISSED!!! What now! Ok, ok, I know I'm the only one on this blog that hadn't had that happen yet, so it's a little anti-climactic for you. But I am literally spacing out every 10 minutes thinking about it.

I went to Cedar City for the long weekend to hang out with my college friend Gina, and we hung out everyday with one of her old high school friends. I totally liked him. He's way smart and insightful. Anyway, I thought it would never happen, but he was talking to Gina online after the first night of hanging out and he confessed to her that he thought I was attractive. He said that he wasn't going to do anything about it though because he thought I didn't like him like that.

I totally did. So it was awesome. I feel reckless. I feel like I could do anything.

I haven't told anybody yet, so I'm expecting a certain CC to contact me soon. I just had to get it out there.

My Cute Kissing Story

Hello Girls! CC here. STORY TIME.

I've always been against boys who tell all their friends about any kissing that they do, but girls are not as ridiculous as boys, therefore, it is my right to share this story with you. As far as I know, it is not a scamming adventure. It might be labeled that later depending on the outcome, but for now, this was a totally legit experience.

I went to a dance last night. The theme was "Black & White," and I was wearing some really hot stuff. I won't bore you with details. I was told that I looked like the following: A hot slut, a Barbie, a hooker, gothic, and hot, beautiful, and irresistible. (I insisted on being called the last 2. I told them it was nicer than "hot.") This dance was held at my old school, and it was kind of neat because for once I didn't feel like my new school and my old school had to stay in separate realms. That made me feel pretty satisfied, and maybe that's why I had the... guts? Bravery? Stupidity? Whatever it took to do what I did.

Character Introduction: Paul. A good friend. I met him last year in 9th grade, and we've just always been pretty tight. Well not for the beginning of this year, but a month or so ago, he walked me home (to my cousin's) from school, and we've been good friends again ever since.

At the dance, I was mixing and mingling with a lot of different people, but I found myself wanting to spend the most time with Wendel (who happened to be hanging out with Garrett, keep this in mind for later.) Anyway, Garrett asked me to make out with him (in a sly way, and jokingly, I think.) I informed him that he should have asked me at the last dance. I danced with Paul a few times, mostly because I'm most comfortable with him.

And I had a sudden realization.

I started to exit the dance during one of the songs. I suddenly felt very conflicted. Lucky me, Carlie was outside and she could tell something was up. She asked me if I needed to talk. I said yes, and we sat on a nearby bench.

Our Conversation: "I think I like Paul," I confessed. She paused a moment and said, "CC, I've come to a conclusion about Paul."

(Side note: Carlie frequently "comes to conclusions" about things. I trust her judgment a lot.)

"Oh?" I asked. Carlie said, "Yes. I think Wendel has changed a lot for the better [this is a paraphrase; don't really remember what she said] and I was watching you guys dance, and I was just thinking how great it would be if you guys liked each other." With Carlie's stamp of approval, I told her the next bit of information. "I want to kiss him." Carlie didn't seem shocked, and Melanie then came over, and the conversation ended.

Reasons I Like Paul:

1. He walks me home from school (when I'm staying with my cousins.)

2. He showed me a rope swing.

3. He went with me to visit my grandmother. Only really good friends do that.

4. He helps me study Spanish and laughs even though I can't speak it at all.

5. He rode my bike up the hill back to Sarah's that day and let me drive with Lance.

6. He teaches me how to say, "Can we dig out of this prison?" and "I have a wealthy father back in America!" in preparation for the trip to Mexico.

7. Even though sometimes he's not sure how to act, he does seem to want to be a good person.

The Results: I went back into the dance and partied some more, when I suddenly looked at the clock and realized the time. I had 5 minutes. I told myself, "CC, it's now or never." Paul asked me to dance the last dance, (oh dear, this part makes me sound like a dork or a seductress, take your pick) and I suggested we kind of go off into a corner. If I was going to tell him that I liked him, I didn't want someone kicking me while I said it. Kids from my school like to kick people when they dance. It's weird.

In the corner, I said, "Paul, I think I like you. No, screw that, I know I like you." The next part wasn't supposed to come out, especially considering I'm sometimes bad at being so forward. "Can I kiss you?" I asked. Let's not discuss that guys are totally supposed to be the ones to take initiative. Because I've never been one for traditionalism. While there are a million things wrong with this next part, and I know it, he said, "Let's do it." And so I kissed him. Just 2 seconds or so. Not long. Then I pulled back and laughed. (It's a CC thing.) I suddenly had the brilliant idea to clarify with him that he was not allowed to tell anyone (nothing like restriction to ruin a moment) and obviously this rule doesn't apply to me. After I said that, he surprised me by kissing me. And while I don't want to share all details, I do want to say, it was a personal, sweet kiss. And it made me feel special. After that, he laughed a little bit and said, "Dang. Kim and Matt are coming over." I laughed, too. Kim and Matt came over and asked, "So what are ya doin?" And we were all innocent-like when we responded, "Nothin..."

Anyway, there's a little more to the story, but I went up to the cabin with Alice and Melanie last night, so I didn't have phone service. I wonder if I should call Paul. I'm not too worried. But I don't know what this means, but it's exciting! And even though I'm suddenly feeling anxious, I'm very, very happy. :)

The End: ????

(added 1/5/09)

Hello, friends. I'd like to report... this story did indeed turn out to be a simple scamming adventure. Because I'm bipolar. Heh heh.