Boyfriends at Christmastime

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! :D three more days 'till Christmas. Oh man. Boyfriends are the best around these types of Holidays. Too bad I don't have one. Ha. Oh well. I feel free for awhile. Even if I do want one. I could have one I'm just holding it out so I can repair things with Dustin and everybody. I need to talk to Moose, because I feel bad for how I just kind of am avoiding him. I shall call him on Christmas! But Merry Christmas, I hope you all have a wonderful time, and no one makes you sad. :)

Things do NOT Change in College

Gah.... I'm so socially stupid about boys. How have I made it to college without getting kissed!!! Or liked? Or crushed on? For heck's sake! I am literally not ok with the way my life is turning out. I'm tired of people wondering if I'm a lesbian! What is my deal...

Story time. So I finally got up the nerve yesterday to ask this guy if I could study with him for our math final. Here's the lowdown on him. He's really wierd, shy, and not "attractive" in the shallow sense of the word. So I figured I might have a chance of SOMETHING... But oh the horror... We meet up at the library like we planned, and I'm looking fabulous(but not overly so.) And ALL he talks about is how much he misses his ex-girlfriend who left last year. I was put off, but I thought that I would push forward anyway. After a good hour and a half of math I told him I needed to go to my roommates art opening at the humanities building. I said that he should come because he should take a break. And sadly enough I'm not so good at being natural and casual, so it was painfully obvious what I was tryin to do. He looked at me awkwardly for a second before saying that he should probably study some more. We parted, and I did NOT look back. I was humiliated. The only consolation is that only have to see him one more time before the class ends for the semester.

So now late at night the question that I'm pondering is when will my life take a turn for the better. Namely, when will it include boys?

7 Things About Crushes: Rainbow

What are the 7 worst things about boys?

1. Shallow. most definitely

2. They fight just because they get bored. it's ludicrous.

3. They don't understand us.

4. They can't take a hint.

5. They push and push with some things 'till you want to punch them in the face!

6. They try to impress you but really they just make fools of themselves.

7. most of them act different with you, like all cute and what not. Then with their friends they are total dicks to you. ugh.

What are the 7 best things about boys?

1. hmmm... they can usually make you smile.

2. they sometimes can do spontaneous cute things.

3. they can "protect" you.

4. Most are pretty content with doing anything you want to do.

5. Most, if you don't want a commitment, agree with you. no arguments. :P

6. they smell yummy :) in most cases...

7. ha. I think I'm having just as a hard time as CC did on this... They. can do cute little things without realizing how much it means.

Who are the 7 boys you've liked most in your life? (starting with Junior High)

1. Colten J. (7th)

2. Colton B.(8th) who is now gay I just found out. heh.

3. Spenny(8th or 9th?)

4. Brandon(9th)

5. Eythan(summer after 9th)

6. Dustin(10th&11th)

7. Ross(just recently. heh)

Who are your 7 greatest present or past "celebrity crushes?"

1. Johnny Depp

2. Adam Brody

3. Benjamin Mckenzie

4. Chase Crawford (I'm keepin' this one Quetlin :P)

5. Joe Anderson

6. Logan Marshall-Green

7.Chad Michael Murray

If you were a guy, what 7 girls would you have a crush on? (They can be friends, acquaintances, celebrities...)

1. uhh.. Yeah this is a weird question. uh. Rachel Bilson. She's really pretty. actress

2. Jordan. Pretty and funny. A lot of guys like her. ha

3. Colton B's sister.

4. oh man... Sara Chappel. She's so cute. ha ha ha

5. If I were a gay guy I would like Colton B. ha ha. Because he is gay so it would work out.

6. someone else

7. and someone else... heh. I'm a cheater.

Consider This When Choosing Friends

My school’s 80’s dance was about a week ago. It is nigh unto impossible to describe how fun it was to get ready for it. Of course, its “funness level” was diminished when two of my best friends - (ahem, Wanda and Ginger), did not dress up. (FYI: “I was just too busy today” translates into “I wouldn’t be caught dead in those yellow spandex or 4-inch bangs”). Wanda's friend Marigold was stranded at the dance until she convinced Wanda to take her to Purple Turtle to meet some other friends who could give her a ride home. I was invited to go with the three lovely girls, and I agreed, naturally forgetting I was the only one in 80’s apparel.

Ginger, Wanda and Marigold. We are talking about three of the most beautiful girls to ever grace the planet with their presence. I’m not just saying that to enhance the story. These girls are seriously intensely gorgeous. And because Marigold is Marigold, her friends waiting at Purple Turtle were boys. Five of them. Excellent.

Luckily for me, I was ignorant of the wonderful situation I was getting myself into. And to add a cherry on top of the delightful outing, we had a confrontation (sort of) with one of my favorite people. Here is that experience: As we jetted over to Purple Turtle in Wanda's adorable little grandma car, a white truck pulled to the left of us. It was, (naturally), full of boys. I have a bad habit of forgetting when I should duck my head to hide my turquoise eyeshadow, so in classic CC style, I shifted my eyes sneakily to the boy in the passenger’s seat of the truck. A moment later, the truck fell behind us, then proceeded to pull to our right side. It was at this point when we could see the driver, who was such a darling gentleman, he flipped us off. A car full of, with the exception of the hag in the backseat wearing 80’s garb, beautiful girls. Why did he do that? Because it was Jaun Madly. Always a pleasure, Jaun, always a pleasure.

I was still tripping a little bit by the time we arrived at Purple Turtle, which is possibly why I got out of the car with Ginger, Wanda and Marigold. As I stood next to the lovely purple restaurant, shivering, waiting for Aubrey to get in the boy’s car so we could leave, I realized something that immediately brought a smile to my face.

Whenever I see a group of boys, especially where the majority of them are obviously attractive, I pick out the cutest. By pure, sick instinct, I also pick out the less attractive among them, or to be quite frank, “the ugly ones.” Well, if boys are anything like girls, which they aren’t, then I had just been dubbed “the ugly one.” I told Ginger my thoughts, and Ginger, being Ginger, hit me and told me I was ridiculous. I continued to tell her that it was okay, the only reason an unattractive boy hangs out with attractive boys is because he’s the funny one. Maybe the boys in the car had just dubbed me the funny one! Which might explain why I was dressed in 80’s vintage! As I frequently remind my more attractive friends, “Not all of us can get by on good looks.” And as my mom used to always remind me, “Hope springs eternal.” (What does that even mean, mom? I used to think it was in reference to the season, like, I hope spring lasts forever. Since then, I have realized that is not likely).

Moral of the story: Don't hang around people more attractive than you. CC, you MORON.

7 Things About Crushes: CC

What are the 7 worst things about boys? (Comes complete with a translation guide!)

1. Too much testosterone. (This means "violent.")

2. Fights to feed his man ego. (This means "does stupid thing to impress his friends.")

3. Chivalrous boys don't know how demeaning they are. (This means "I'm a feminist.")

4. Shallow. (This means "Boobies boobies boobies.")

5. Crude and vulgar. (This means "unrefined.")

6. Focused more on physical needs, not on mental needs. (This means "stupid.")

7. On a ratio, there are not as many attractive boys as there are attractive girls. (This means "ugly.")

What are the 7 best things about boys?

1. Because we have such low standards with what to expect, they have the capability to surprise and impress you easily.

2. Most of them don't gossip or hold grudges. (Perhaps the most obvious exception to this is the mullet master, Marvin Mills.)

3. They aren't afraid of very many things. This helps us girls that tend to be more afraid LESS afraid.

4. They like to go out and DO stuff, even though that can sometimes get them in trouble.

5. They usually are much too simple to be manipulative. (Perhaps the most obvious exception to this rule is Jaun Madly.)

6. Boys wear cologne.

7. Wow... this is actually much harder than the 7 WORST things about boys... I'm trying to think of number 7... OK. Uh... boys can... kiss you... Dang it. That's retarded. Um. OH I KNOW! I was at Comedy Sportz a couple weeks back and this is what I realized. Boys can be funny. Girls can't be nearly as funny as boys can be.

Who are the 7 boys you've liked most in your life? (So I've only REALLY liked about 3 guys, so this is going to be grabbing at it a little bit. I mean, going back to early elementary school...)

This is in chronicle order.

1. Scott (5th grade)

2. Dakota (6th grade)

3. Ben (7th grade)

4. Jaun Madly (8th grade)

5. Jacob (9th grade)

6. Fabio (9th grade)

7. Hm...

Who are your 7 greatest present or past "celebrity crushes?"

1. Ed Westwick (Chuck in Gossip Girl)

2. Zach Braff (JD in Scrubs)

3. David Archuleta (American Idol Finalist)

4. Chase Crawford (Nate in Gossip Girl)

5. Hugh Laurie (He is... House)

6. Jesse Spencer (Chase in House)

7. Channing Tatum (Actor)

So HERE'S one that'll make you mildly uncomfortable...

If you were a guy, what 7 girls would you have a crush on? (They can be friends, acquaintances, celebrities...)

1. Antsy Pants

2. Dr. Cameron (on House)

3. Alice Child's younger sister.

4. Lily (from Hannah Montana!)

5. Elliott (from Scrubs)

6. Quintessa (my spaztastic little cheerleader friend)

7. Freckles (you little cutie, you!)

OK. That's enough with the 7 things list for today. Now you kids give it a whirl!

CAMILLE: 7 things about me

7 things I find attractive in guys
-optimism
-independence
-muscular in a leaner sort of way...
-lips. he's got to have lips. substantial ones. otherwise what would you kiss??
-a good masculine jaw.
-teeth. preferably all of them. hopefully white and straight... heh.
-height...preferably taller than me.

7 things I always say
-I believe you.
-heh.
-I bet.
-I'm sure.
-Please bless.
-Caitlin Boyce. You don't know her.
-I'll get over it. (usually to myself...)

7 things I love to eat
-peach cobbler
-tuna lids at my grandma's house
-chicken masala at Bombay house
-peach rings
-pears
-gala apples
-peaches

7 things I can do
-I can run fast. sort of.
-I can sing. sometimes.
-I can be optimistic. mostly.
-I can listen to people. almost always.
-I can get good grades. with a B in Ms. Lambert's class.
-I can organize very well. nearly anything.
-I can play the piano. a bit.

7 things I can't do
-I can't stop from making faces at my one-year old niece.
-I can't eat squash.
-I can't juggle a soccer ball past like 20.
-I can't stop myself from procrastinating.
-I can't rat my hair. It's a mind thing...
-I can't scratch my fingernails on a chalkboard.
-I can't get over Caitlin's sheets.

7 Things About Me: Freckles

7 things I find attractive in guys
-optimism
-independence
-muscular in a leaner sort of way...
-lips. he's got to have lips. substantial ones. otherwise what would you kiss??
-a good masculine jaw.
-teeth. preferably all of them. hopefully white and straight... heh.
-height...preferably taller than me.

7 things I always say
-I believe you.
-heh.
-I bet.
-I'm sure.
-Please bless.
-CC Lemondrop. You don't know her.
-I'll get over it. (usually to myself...)

7 things I love to eat
-peach cobbler
-tuna lids at my grandma's house
-chicken masala at Bombay house
-peach rings
-pears
-gala apples
-peaches

7 things I can do
-I can run fast. sort of.
-I can sing. sometimes.
-I can be optimistic. mostly.
-I can listen to people. almost always.
-I can get good grades. with a B in Ms. Lambert's class.
-I can organize very well. nearly anything.
-I can play the piano. a bit.

7 things I can't do
-I can't stop from making faces at my one-year old niece.
-I can't eat squash.
-I can't juggle a soccer ball past like 20.
-I can't stop myself from procrastinating.
-I can't rat my hair. It's a mind thing...
-I can't scratch my fingernails on a chalkboard.
-I can't get over CC's sheets.

7 Things About Me: CC

7 Things I Find Attractive in Guys

1. I love when guys are smart, especially if they're smarter than me. That just happens SO RARELY!!

2. I prefer the "musclery" look over the slim look, which is an aspect Freckles and I disagree on.

3. I like confident guys. Guys that are always doing things to protect their man ego are simply annoying.

4. Musical guys are hot.

5. I really like it when guys don't tell everything about what I say or do. Which is funny, because I'm totally the "kiss & tell" girl. I'm working on that.

6. I like guys who make me feel good about myself. I like guys that aren't demeaning either.

7. I like guys who make me feel adventurous.

7 Things I Always Say

1. I get that a lot.

2. JK. But seriously.

3. OMG!

4. Here's the thing...

5. Don't judge!

6. ...but that would involve moving.

7. And when I say (---) I mean (---).

7 Things I Love To Eat

1. OTTER POPS!

2. Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp!

3. Breaded chicken salads.

4. Lemonade, SoBe, and Capri Suns.

5. La Brea Roasted Garlic Bread!

6. Tater Tots.

7. Kiwi.

7 Things I Can Do

1. I can keep myself from getting mad.

2. I can tell a very believable lie.

3. I can take charge of situations.

4. I can use big words in everyday conversation.

5. I can make plans.

6. I can get people to tell me things. Not like, I try to manipulate them, but I really like to hear about people's lives.

7. I can keep my bathroom very clean.

7 Things I Can't Do

1. I can't play piano.

2. I can't fly.

3. I can't get over it when people are mean and don't apologize.

4. I can't lie to Freckles.

5. I can't grow out my hair.

6. I cannot for the life of me understand or communicate with a lot of my peers.

7. I can't audition or compete for anything.

YOUR TURN!!

7 Things About Me: Rainbow

I TAG FRECKLES, CC, ANTSY PANTS

7 Things that attract me to the person I like :)
~ His Smile
~His eyes
~his teeth :D
~His funny facial expressions
~His cute butt and legs.
~The passion he shows towards things.
~his luscious attitude he has towards me


7 Things I always say
~Huh? I might be somewhat deaf
~I'm over it
~Are you kidding me?
~whatever
~You're a nerd.
~you'll get over it
~Jeez!

7 Things I LOVE to eat
~candyy
~sushi
~pretzel bites from the pretzel maker at the Orem mall. :)
~Homemade bread w/ homemade strawberry jam
~Gandolfo's
~no bake cookies :)
~Things from alive garden

7 Things I can do
~I can get good grades
~Shop, I love to shop. I could do it all day long.
~Eat things. and sleep. heh
~keep random things that I don't need for years
~talk to people about things that happen.
~watch movies all day or sometimes read
~text all day

7 Things I can't Do
~I can't get myself to tell people my problems very often
~hit people my hardest. so everyone thinks I'm weak because I barely tap people if I hit them.
~Talk about my feelings.
~Cry in front of people. or in public even if no one is there
~Make new friends, I am too shy.
~Can't control my laziness. I can't overpower it
~I can't sleep without a pillow or someone holding me. I usually squeeze my pillow to death to make up for the absent space in ma bad. heh. heh.

History Repeats Itself

I'm not sure whether I'm just skeptical, unforgiving, or both. But apparently this famous essayist and publisher, Norman Cousins, agrees with me. "History is a vast early warning system."

History repeats itself. Different years and different zip codes, but same stories.

This applies to people also. People live in patterns. Why do you think our religion is based around a book that tells the story of the pride cycle? (Then tells it again and again and again...)

You don't have to learn the hard way... AGAIN. Learn from past mistakes.

P.S. Don't sleep over at boy's houses!!!

(added 1/5/09)

I would like to take back what I said about sleeping over at boy's houses. I mean, it's still a bad idea, but I have to take it back so I'm not a hypocrite.

Rainbow's Opinion About Cycling

My opinion with the whole Swede thing is that he'll probably go back into the same cycle. I feel negative and stuff but I believe that's the truth.

My boy things... hmmm. I slept at a guy's house Friday night. WEIRD!!! Nothing bad happened. Don't worry. It was just one of those things I guess. But he was cute and made it not weird (as un-weird as it possibly could be.)

Swede's Cycle

I'm not sure I've really got any vital information to share. I just haven't posted for the longest time... So I should try to think of something right? Boys... Boys?? It seems that there is only one boy that has managed to make himself a permanent fixture in my mind.

Swede... He went from awkward, to funny, to sweet, to manipulative and angry and depressed, to suicidal and psycho and scary and irrational, to non-existent in my life, to acquaintance-like, to friendly and sorry, to sane and reasonable and semi-sweet (sounds like a chocolate chip...).

Now what. Every bit of my past experience leads directly to the conclusion that we are never to be more than very casual friends on occasion. So why is it that when he gets too close or, like that one really weird time at Moose's house, he put his arms around me (yikes!) my stomach drops (you know, like on a roller coaster. or maybe more like an elevator...). The obvious answer is to continue chanting my ever-relevant motto "It's just hormones. It's just hormones" over and over in my mind and to practically ignore the issue all together.

Of course now I'm wondering what the issue really is. He doesn't want me to be his girlfriend... I guess I'm just nervous to get in too deep again. Nervous that he'll revert to that seemingly permanent state of mind, where he contemplates suicide and feels like everyone hates him and tries to manipulate me, that scares me so much. At the moment he seems completely rational and very nearly sane. And I feel like his mother when I say he's made a ton of terrific progress. In fact I feel like we're on great terms right now. In fact I'm pretty sure I really wouldn't mind having him as a fairly close guy friend. I can handle that can't I? Or the bigger question, can he?

CC and Freckles Talk Boys

CC: I hate that he pretends to not know me.

Freckles: I don't have anything to say.

CC: Why can't I talk to boys?

Freckles: I don't have anything to say.

CC: I hate it when boys are touchy. I think.

Freckles: I don't have anything to say.

The Real Freckles: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY!!

Rainbow's Decision

CC said it was about time that we use names and not just key words and "this person". So I will try. Landon and I, well more Landon than anyone, decided to just be friends. I didn't want a relationship during the school year (there is more to it but I have to talk to him about it before I say more.) so that made it so we are just friends. So I guess if I think about it it's my fault. Oh well. I'm over it. Have you ever cried so hard that you tingle all over and your lips are quivering and your eyes twitch uncontrollably? That happened to me the other day. Dustin made me feel so bad and I couldn't hold it in. I got out of the numb stage finally. I can cry again. I can't decide whether or not that's a good thing... This kid James, told me he liked me. I have kinda liked him since second semester started last year (10th obviously). I'm really nervous to like him because he likes long relationships and I can't handle them. I don't want him to just stop liking me though :(

Rainbow's Quick Update

I can't go into detail with everything that has happened in the last while. Dustin and I, obviously broke up (I don't think I had made that public yet.) I like quite a few guys I realized now. Darn it. I just can't control it. I would sit here and spill out everything but I have to get off the computer right now. Expect another post in the next few days.

Artificial Relationship

This is sort of random, but as usual I've just been thinking too much. As a result I've come to a conclusion. It's one of those that you make after analyzing a situation for so long you feel you must produce some sort of statement of wisdom. Or maybe just common sense, in my case.

Anyhow. Now for my profound statement of common sense:
If, in any sort of relationship, you cannot be completely honest and have to keep things from anyone in order to create an illusion of yourself, it is an artificial relationship.

Ok. So that may also have been one of those statements that have been pushed to the extreme and do not allow for any special situations, but hey, at least someone still posts on this blog.*

*That was a hint ;)

Identity Crisis

Everyone has their labels. Computer nerd, jock, goth, slut etc etc. I have had trouble defining myself with a label. But it had to happen. Of course no one is permitted to label themselves and the responsibility is therefore left to those around them. I was recently forced to meet my doom. The Tease. It was Gerald that took the initiative of labeling me. He must have just realized the truth. I would have warned him, but I didn't know either...

Being a tease seems hopeless. I should try to change right? Right?? What if I don't want to? What if I realize that it's horrible, that I won't have real relationships, and that boys will eventually, as CC puts it, "give up all hope", and I still can't begin to think about changing? What if I'm so lazy, I don't want to put myself through such an exhausting process? Now that I consider it, I don't know how to be anything else.

Freckles' Sad Poem

This poem was written by CC Lemondrop in an e-mail to me. She is a talented individual.

(This is a work of fiction, artistic liberties have been taken and it may contain inside jokes, stories and peanuts.)

Eythan is a funny boy

Who doesn't know what to do.

He likes Freckles and wants her bod

But Rainbow wants him too.

Rainbow is a funny girl

Who likes Eythan dear.

She doesn't want some lame-o crap

But crap isn't a main fear.

Ben is a funny boy

Who Freckles has a thing for.

But he likes Sue, the normal girl

And I can't say much more.

William is a funny boy

Who loves Freckle's true heart.

He'll buy it, steal it, beg and plead,

Just to have a part.

Freckles is a funny girl

With a heart of gold.

She doesn't know how to tell Will

Her heart will not be sold.

Freckles likes a lot of boys,

As friends and lovers and more.

Even though she likes them all,

She's not a dirty bore.

CC is a funny girl

Who wrote this awesome rhyme.

Maybe if you try and try,

You can be like her with time.

Age Sucks

Why is it that I can’t like a guy younger than me, even by 9 days?

Why is it that I don’t find any teenage male attractive, physically or personally?

Why is it that I can be so immature that the only guys that like me are perverts or only 13? (Oh wait, isn’t that the same thing?)

Why is it that I bounce between crushes on teenage boys and crushes on guys in their mid-twenties and crushes on movie stars and a strange attraction to sports cars and chalupas?

Why is it that the first guy I ever connected with on an intellectual level was 8 years my senior... oh, and I only met him once?

Why is it that I can’t stand 75% of all males, but I still have a problem with the lack of problems in the other 25%?

Why is it that the only guy close to my age that I understand intellectually fits in that 25% category, lives in California, is in love with my perfect, beautiful friend, and is a diehard conservative?

Why is it that I’m thoroughly worried about this when I’m not even 16 yet? I’m giving myself a headache.

The Importance of Timing

I wish Freckles would post on this site. She really needs to. She could really add a lot of knowledge. The fact that she keeps her knowledge from us is selfish and beachy. (Just kidding, Freckles. You know you have ALL MY LOVE.)

Just a quick reminder to those who would like to post on this blog: please put labels on your posts. This will someday make it easier to find specific topics; i.e. scamming, timing, movies, etc.

I would like to take a moment here to talk to you, and all readers, about the importance of timing. Whether or not this applies to you, it's a good time to learn about timing.

I recently made an important discovery. The thing about all relationships is TIMING. There is a faint possibility that any girl and any guy could be compatible if the timing was right. Unfortunately, all heartbreak is a result of bad timing. Think about it.

All of this being hypothetical: Bonnie and Clyde break up because Clyde said the wrong thing at the wrong time. A strong relationship built on crime, GONE, because of one stupid comment. Jack can't get Jill because Jill is hung up on Humpty Dumpty. However, Jill finally notices Jack after the candle stick incident, but by that point, Jack could have ANY girl (within the realm of Mother Goose.) Naturally Jack goes after Little Bo Peep. Stupid blondes.

Let's look at my favorite stupid TV show, Gossip Girl. Blair and Nate break up (the first time) because Nate's dad is a drug addict and he can't keep any promises to Blair since he's so stressed. This is driving Blair batty. So they break up. And exactly 20 minutes after breaking up with her life-long boyfriend, Blair performs at a speak-easy then loses her virtue to Nate's best friend, Chuck, in the back of a moving vehicle. Admit it, we all liked it. Naturally.

Or we could look at the example of Rufus (who is cuter than his name) and Lilly. They want so much to be together, but they can't because their KIDS are dating. That's right; Serena and Dan are dating, and it would just be cruel for Lilly and Rufus to get together at this point. Because SERENA CAN'T BE SLEEPING WITH THE SON OF THE MAN HER MOM IS SLEEPING WITH. Naturally. (Luckily for Lilly and Rufus, it looks like Serena and Dan are over after the little Georgina incident during the Lincoln Hawk concert. Which ended with Lilly and Rufus sharing a passionate kiss in the rain. Which could put a dent in Lilly's upcoming marriage to Chuck's dad. NATURALLY.)

What it comes down to: While I don't condone getting life advice from Gossip Girl, or any CW show, it is true that relationships are just about timing. Bad timing=trouble. Good timing=possibility.

She's Trying to Hook Up With My Boyfriend!

• CC,

Thank you for helping me out here. I will call you later for you to tell me how I'm supposed to tell him this. I feel way way bad. :( So I need to come up with something that doesn't make me sound like a horrible person.

I think that I will most definitely need to watch The Office. Maybe get season three. You will have to buy the ice cream and I'll by that season. We will eat and watch and discuss all our problems and what not. :)

• Others :/

New Problem:::: What do I do about stupid girls (one girl named Hailey Lund, yuck) that are trying to hook up with Dustin when she knows he is going out with me? I mean, I can't just tell her to stop. She will want to fight me, and I find girl fighting very immature and pointless. Hence, I must either, trust Dustin exceedingly much. Or figure a way to where she doesn't talk to him anymore. I can't trust her as his friend, because she is honestly a slut with STD s. What to do what to do....???

Tell Dust

Rainbow: I know what you're talking about. And you need to tell Dust.

I wish I could be there for you, but I'm in Las Vegas. If you need to urgently talk to someone, I have my cell phone and nothing to do here. I'd love to talk to you. Please call.

I think you should tell Dust because it's not fair to him, and more than that, it's not fair to you. When I get back, we can watch stupid TV shows and eat ridiculous amounts of ice cream if you need it. Love you.

To Tell or Not to Tell?

Well, you see, yesterday was a very horrendous day for me. I cried almost all day. I finally told this kid how I felt about him (yeah, I probably shouldn't be doing so, seeing that I have a boyfriend). But you have to understand that this other kid was in my life way before my present boyfriend. Anyways, I told him that I really do believe that I loved him when we were "together" and it took me way after we "broke up" to realize it. I told him I still had feelings for him, and how I really wish that we were better friends. I also told him that he was the reason I cried after my birthday party at Freckles' house. You see, I was there with Dustin, and yet I still felt something towards ... this guy. I told Dustin about that though. I guess I don't regret breaking off whatever we were (we weren't official exactly), but I regret that it ruined our friendship.

After venting to him about all my life problems and everything I felt, I then felt a new emotion that I hadn't been feeling that day... stupidity. I shouldn't have told him anything. It might make things awkward for us. Maybe not though. Supposedly we are tight and we are going to hang out. I won't be telling Dustin about this blog. I feel horrible though. Maybe I should tell him.

Any suggestions on what I should do, ay? I don't want to tell him, because I already told him about my thoughts and feelings at my birthday party, and if I tell him this, he might think I'm going to leave him or something. Which, I won't due. At least not for this other guy (My proof that I'm not going to is this: 1. he likes one of my good friends[she likes him back] 2. I don't do the whole, being with someone, breaking up, and being with them again in the future.) I think those 2 reasons are good enough. I sound extremely dumb right now and so I'm going to stop blabbering on about this whole messed up situation. please, PLEASE! Give me suggestions on whether I should tell Dust or not :/