nothing short of...

lost.

I am spinning on someone elses axis and nauseous with things I don't have.

I've tried everything (flip my hair, bat my eyes, gloss my lips, touch his arm, laugh at everything, be obnoxiously vulnerable, wear tight clothing, giggle, cry, pout).

And yet,

I still find myself going home

alone.

I wish I had a guy to guide me to my car when I'm lost in the parking lot of Wal-Mart.

I wish I had a guy who would call me when it rains and say "let's go puddle jumping!"

I wish I had a guy that would come to my work soley so we could exhange book recommendations.

I wish I had a guy who would tell me to stop pestering with my looks because he thought I looked beautiful to him.

I wish I had a guy who would show me how to throw a frisbee better and how to make the perfect spaghetti sauce.

I wish I had a guy who sincerely cared about what was in my head, what I thought, and who I wanted to be.

I wish I had a guy who could drive me crazy when we argued but made me crazier when he would kiss me to shut me up.

But who knows.

My eyes are sore from looking,

my hands are chaffed from holding on.