Not to be vulgar but...

What the hell.

Okay, so lately I'm going out with three or four guys a week and loving it, and so, SO not looking for a relationship. I'm dating for the free food and friendships. This morning I had my first breakfast date with a guy that I really liked being around. I went out once with him before and had a blast. Honestly he's probably the guy I have most interest in of all of them; nevertheless, nothing was going to happen because I'm not looking for a relationship, he's twenty seven, not a member of the church, and I don't even like him THAT much. If he were a member it might be different, maybe, but I have always known better than to start a relationship that will, inevitably, have to end, and will probably go who knows where in the meantime.

Firstly, you have to understand that this happened about ten minutes ago, and secondly you have to understand that I, full grown dating fiend that I am, had only kissed two guys in my life. Kissing is a really big deal for me, so I've been trying to keep the tally low.

So he's leaving, and then he stops and says leadingly, "So... you're really beautiful, right?"
To which I respond, "Right."
"And I really like you..."
I barely restrained myself from asking, "Like, LIKE like?" before he begins explaining that despite his feelings, he is still planning on going to Taiwan in may for two years to teach English to orphans or something and so doesn't want to get involved or lead me on.

So I'm thinking, 'Great. We'll just be friends. This is what I was planning on anyways,' when he moves in for what I assumed was a goodbye hug when I realised just how close his face was to mine.

I must have looked confused because he paused, backed up a bit and said, "I'm going to kiss you."

The situation, at this moment, was so ridiculous to me that I simply laughed. But then I heard someone say "Okay," and realised it was me.

...

It was weird.

It was like those movies where the hero and heroine finally kiss and it's all filled with tension and they just almost kiss for, like, five minutes before anything really happens and you know it's supposed to be really intense but it's just awkward. Building up to it took long enough for me to wonder if he hadn't in fact been lying when he declared his intentions, and then decide that maybe I didn't want to go through with it. No, I definitely didn't. But by then it was too late. So I thought hey, might as well see if I like it, so I didn't slap him. I thought violence, in this instance, might be particularly rude considering he technically had permission.

He pulled away, and said, "Hmm..."

And I thought, 'What does that even mean?'

So I asked, "What does that even mean?"

And he said, "It means I liked it." I knew enough now to guess just what kind of 'Like' he meant. I also noted that he looked quite giddy as he walked out the door, leaving me standing in the kitchen wondering if what had just happened was a good thing or a bad thing.

It was a bad thing guys.

I do not know how I let this happen. It's so unlike me that I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I had experienced some kind of stroke right around the time he wanted to make sure we were on the same page on whether or not I'm beautiful. Really though, what just happened?

What.
The.
Hell.