Wishlist:
1. A boy
2. 18+ years
3. Who doesn't cheat
4. Who wants to hold my hand while we drive
5. Who likes to kiss my cheek as much as my lips
6. Who will let me hang out with my friends a LOT
7. Who tries to understand me instead of change me
8. Who takes care of himself and cares about looking good
9. Who will protect me and keep me safe from others and himself
10. Who doesn't care if I don't want a kiss. He will give me a hug instead
Please, feel free to direct him my way if you see him. I know he's around here somewhere.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
yes, confused (to say the least.)
the check list:
- you have a relaxed sense of humor
- you enjoy the same movies I do
- we talk like we've been friends forever
- you are always smiling
- you are friendly
- you call/text me
- you are nothing short of good looking
- you have asked me out on dates
- you make the effort to hang out with me
- I feel relatively normal around you
- you actually have feelings
- you can think for yourself
- you enjoy reading
- you have respect
- you have a job
- you have a car
You are everything I want
but...
I just don't want you like that.
six word: why can't i feel the same?
Potential?
None.
Age? well... a lot older than me.... (cough)...21...(cough)....
Attractive? Extremely
Flirtatious? Very
R.M.? Yes
Off Limits? Totally
Single? Luckily
Ex- Boyfriends Best Friend's Older Brother? Well.... Yes
Six Word: Too Much History. Like You Anyway.
Age? well... a lot older than me.... (cough)...21...(cough)....
Attractive? Extremely
Flirtatious? Very
R.M.? Yes
Off Limits? Totally
Single? Luckily
Ex- Boyfriends Best Friend's Older Brother? Well.... Yes
Six Word: Too Much History. Like You Anyway.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Someone please stop this train....
Do I want another relationship to finish out my senior year? Heck no! Do I still take interest in certain guys? Yes.... So how do I find a compromise? Oh yeah, go for the guy that already has a girlfriend, then there's no problem. curses....
Well you see, Boy #2 has reappeared. (Please see "the good guys" or something like that for previous post) He's back with his cheater of a girlfriend, who complains about how he never listens or gives her his time. First off, he's the best boyfriend a girl could have! He sent her a dozen roses just because the other day. I mean, he listens more than my best friend ever listens to me! These accusations are empty. Regardless, he loves her apparently. Dang it. Well that's okay, because I still get to spend hours of time with him because we share the same extracurricular activity. He still is talking to me everyday, so in essence... I really don't mind. I'm free to like him, without the stress. By stress I mean, "Does he like me?" "Where is this headed?" "Do all my plans include him now?" "Should I stop talking to these other guys?" Nope, I've got none of that! I owe him nothing, and he owes me nothing! It's great actually.
So why am I posting? Well, it comes down to... I've got to get out of here before I actually fall for the guy! I know I'm a bit late, he's already in my dreams (No not like that duh, I mean he randomly appears in my actual dreams). How do I stop this train again? And yes, I am aware that everyone, including the latest magazine, has told me I'm supposed to give up. I just can't seem to actually do that.
six word: would you please dump the girlfriend?
Well you see, Boy #2 has reappeared. (Please see "the good guys" or something like that for previous post) He's back with his cheater of a girlfriend, who complains about how he never listens or gives her his time. First off, he's the best boyfriend a girl could have! He sent her a dozen roses just because the other day. I mean, he listens more than my best friend ever listens to me! These accusations are empty. Regardless, he loves her apparently. Dang it. Well that's okay, because I still get to spend hours of time with him because we share the same extracurricular activity. He still is talking to me everyday, so in essence... I really don't mind. I'm free to like him, without the stress. By stress I mean, "Does he like me?" "Where is this headed?" "Do all my plans include him now?" "Should I stop talking to these other guys?" Nope, I've got none of that! I owe him nothing, and he owes me nothing! It's great actually.
So why am I posting? Well, it comes down to... I've got to get out of here before I actually fall for the guy! I know I'm a bit late, he's already in my dreams (No not like that duh, I mean he randomly appears in my actual dreams). How do I stop this train again? And yes, I am aware that everyone, including the latest magazine, has told me I'm supposed to give up. I just can't seem to actually do that.
six word: would you please dump the girlfriend?
Friday, April 23, 2010
Not to be vulgar but...
What the hell.
Okay, so lately I'm going out with three or four guys a week and loving it, and so, SO not looking for a relationship. I'm dating for the free food and friendships. This morning I had my first breakfast date with a guy that I really liked being around. I went out once with him before and had a blast. Honestly he's probably the guy I have most interest in of all of them; nevertheless, nothing was going to happen because I'm not looking for a relationship, he's twenty seven, not a member of the church, and I don't even like him THAT much. If he were a member it might be different, maybe, but I have always known better than to start a relationship that will, inevitably, have to end, and will probably go who knows where in the meantime.
Firstly, you have to understand that this happened about ten minutes ago, and secondly you have to understand that I, full grown dating fiend that I am, had only kissed two guys in my life. Kissing is a really big deal for me, so I've been trying to keep the tally low.
So he's leaving, and then he stops and says leadingly, "So... you're really beautiful, right?"
To which I respond, "Right."
"And I really like you..."
I barely restrained myself from asking, "Like, LIKE like?" before he begins explaining that despite his feelings, he is still planning on going to Taiwan in may for two years to teach English to orphans or something and so doesn't want to get involved or lead me on.
So I'm thinking, 'Great. We'll just be friends. This is what I was planning on anyways,' when he moves in for what I assumed was a goodbye hug when I realised just how close his face was to mine.
I must have looked confused because he paused, backed up a bit and said, "I'm going to kiss you."
The situation, at this moment, was so ridiculous to me that I simply laughed. But then I heard someone say "Okay," and realised it was me.
...
It was weird.
It was like those movies where the hero and heroine finally kiss and it's all filled with tension and they just almost kiss for, like, five minutes before anything really happens and you know it's supposed to be really intense but it's just awkward. Building up to it took long enough for me to wonder if he hadn't in fact been lying when he declared his intentions, and then decide that maybe I didn't want to go through with it. No, I definitely didn't. But by then it was too late. So I thought hey, might as well see if I like it, so I didn't slap him. I thought violence, in this instance, might be particularly rude considering he technically had permission.
He pulled away, and said, "Hmm..."
And I thought, 'What does that even mean?'
So I asked, "What does that even mean?"
And he said, "It means I liked it." I knew enough now to guess just what kind of 'Like' he meant. I also noted that he looked quite giddy as he walked out the door, leaving me standing in the kitchen wondering if what had just happened was a good thing or a bad thing.
It was a bad thing guys.
I do not know how I let this happen. It's so unlike me that I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I had experienced some kind of stroke right around the time he wanted to make sure we were on the same page on whether or not I'm beautiful. Really though, what just happened?
What.
The.
Hell.
Okay, so lately I'm going out with three or four guys a week and loving it, and so, SO not looking for a relationship. I'm dating for the free food and friendships. This morning I had my first breakfast date with a guy that I really liked being around. I went out once with him before and had a blast. Honestly he's probably the guy I have most interest in of all of them; nevertheless, nothing was going to happen because I'm not looking for a relationship, he's twenty seven, not a member of the church, and I don't even like him THAT much. If he were a member it might be different, maybe, but I have always known better than to start a relationship that will, inevitably, have to end, and will probably go who knows where in the meantime.
Firstly, you have to understand that this happened about ten minutes ago, and secondly you have to understand that I, full grown dating fiend that I am, had only kissed two guys in my life. Kissing is a really big deal for me, so I've been trying to keep the tally low.
So he's leaving, and then he stops and says leadingly, "So... you're really beautiful, right?"
To which I respond, "Right."
"And I really like you..."
I barely restrained myself from asking, "Like, LIKE like?" before he begins explaining that despite his feelings, he is still planning on going to Taiwan in may for two years to teach English to orphans or something and so doesn't want to get involved or lead me on.
So I'm thinking, 'Great. We'll just be friends. This is what I was planning on anyways,' when he moves in for what I assumed was a goodbye hug when I realised just how close his face was to mine.
I must have looked confused because he paused, backed up a bit and said, "I'm going to kiss you."
The situation, at this moment, was so ridiculous to me that I simply laughed. But then I heard someone say "Okay," and realised it was me.
...
It was weird.
It was like those movies where the hero and heroine finally kiss and it's all filled with tension and they just almost kiss for, like, five minutes before anything really happens and you know it's supposed to be really intense but it's just awkward. Building up to it took long enough for me to wonder if he hadn't in fact been lying when he declared his intentions, and then decide that maybe I didn't want to go through with it. No, I definitely didn't. But by then it was too late. So I thought hey, might as well see if I like it, so I didn't slap him. I thought violence, in this instance, might be particularly rude considering he technically had permission.
He pulled away, and said, "Hmm..."
And I thought, 'What does that even mean?'
So I asked, "What does that even mean?"
And he said, "It means I liked it." I knew enough now to guess just what kind of 'Like' he meant. I also noted that he looked quite giddy as he walked out the door, leaving me standing in the kitchen wondering if what had just happened was a good thing or a bad thing.
It was a bad thing guys.
I do not know how I let this happen. It's so unlike me that I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I had experienced some kind of stroke right around the time he wanted to make sure we were on the same page on whether or not I'm beautiful. Really though, what just happened?
What.
The.
Hell.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
we'll all float on okay....
Well ladies,
Our High School careers are almost over... we only have to endure a month and a week and one day as of today :) Then we will be FREE the rest of our lives from immature men who think love is a game. After going through high school I have to admit I've met some really great people. Most of them are on this blog, and I am pleased to have known you. Others.... well lets just say I won't miss them. My grandma always says that some hands you should shake and some hands you should hold. (I have amended this by saying some you only give a high-five but that mostly applies to booty calls). But anyways, applying this to guys... If you think one of them are worth holding on to- go for it!! You never know, they might go on a mission and become totally changed and since you were willing to nurture a friendly relationship with them before they left they'll come home and realize you're the one and you'll be married! That's unrealistic, I know... but I think if someones worth holding on to you should do it, and if not forget about them!
until the high school reunion... dun dun dun!!! ha ya right!
Our High School careers are almost over... we only have to endure a month and a week and one day as of today :) Then we will be FREE the rest of our lives from immature men who think love is a game. After going through high school I have to admit I've met some really great people. Most of them are on this blog, and I am pleased to have known you. Others.... well lets just say I won't miss them. My grandma always says that some hands you should shake and some hands you should hold. (I have amended this by saying some you only give a high-five but that mostly applies to booty calls). But anyways, applying this to guys... If you think one of them are worth holding on to- go for it!! You never know, they might go on a mission and become totally changed and since you were willing to nurture a friendly relationship with them before they left they'll come home and realize you're the one and you'll be married! That's unrealistic, I know... but I think if someones worth holding on to you should do it, and if not forget about them!
until the high school reunion... dun dun dun!!! ha ya right!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Score.
No, not that kind of score, silly! I've never been much of a dater. The time I used to spend with guys seemed to go, "Hey, you're pretty cute," then a minute later I'd be going, "What just happened?" You understand, I hope. However, I've recently found myself being asked on dates. Real dates. With boys. Real boys. Weird, right? It's not so bad. It can be pretty fun, even. Of course, I have one dilemma that is puzzling me.
While I expect to score a free meal on a date, the guys who ask me out seem to expect to just score. Do I come off as easy? Guys that seem perfectly suitable during dinner are a bit too handsy just an hour later. I'm not even particularly flirty. Heavens, I'll go out of my way to avoid hugging someone, even if they're just a friend. Let's be honest: I could even be classified as standoffish. Just holding hands and cuddling makes me feel dirty. I feel as though I've gone backwards on the scale of what I feel comfortable with physically. I guess that's why I call my past indiscretions a "phase."
What is with these guys? "Hm, I think I want to get some tonight, so I'll dish out 25 bucks for dinner with this hot blonde." (Yes. I am the hot blonde in question.) Then when they're driving themselves home without even a quick peck at the door, they're like, "Wow, I must be off my game tonight."
As the Pussycat Dolls have taught me so effectively: It's funny how a man only thinks about the -----.
Hey, remember that time when some girls told Red Tulip I made out with her ex? Do I have that kind of reputation? Really? REALLY?
That's it. I'm becoming a nun.
In other words...
Dear MC,
Fly me to the moon.
You will never read this.
You told me that you loved me for something that he never could.
You are confusing to me.
You say that you don't care about it, but I know you do.
You are the new summer.
You are confusing to me.
You make me want to scream!
You are confusing to me.
You tell me funny things so that you can listen to me laugh.
You couldn't stop looking at my face.
You didn't tell me anything.
You are the first one I've really liked since.... Him.
You are confusing to me.
In other words, take my hand. In other words, baby kiss me. In other words, please be true.
Fly me to the moon.
You will never read this.
You told me that you loved me for something that he never could.
You are confusing to me.
You say that you don't care about it, but I know you do.
You are the new summer.
You are confusing to me.
You make me want to scream!
You are confusing to me.
You tell me funny things so that you can listen to me laugh.
You couldn't stop looking at my face.
You didn't tell me anything.
You are the first one I've really liked since.... Him.
You are confusing to me.
In other words, take my hand. In other words, baby kiss me. In other words, please be true.
Monday, April 12, 2010
"Dreaming With a Broken Heart"
One day....
One day I'll meet a man who reads Faulkner along with Lord of the Rings. He'll enjoy Barnes and Noble along with wakeboarding in the sun. He'll be tall enough for my heels, and have hands that can actually hold my long fingers. He'll want to make time for me, and be patient with my sparatic schedule. He won't laugh at my watching chick flicks or singing horribly to John Mayer, instead he'll watch a few with me plus James Bond and sing a long with me. He'll accept my awkwardness in stride and make up for my faults. He may even be on my brother's approval list, but we don't want to make him too unrealistic right?
For now, I'm happy to be single. For once.
Six Word: A girl can dream, can't she?
One day I'll meet a man who reads Faulkner along with Lord of the Rings. He'll enjoy Barnes and Noble along with wakeboarding in the sun. He'll be tall enough for my heels, and have hands that can actually hold my long fingers. He'll want to make time for me, and be patient with my sparatic schedule. He won't laugh at my watching chick flicks or singing horribly to John Mayer, instead he'll watch a few with me plus James Bond and sing a long with me. He'll accept my awkwardness in stride and make up for my faults. He may even be on my brother's approval list, but we don't want to make him too unrealistic right?
For now, I'm happy to be single. For once.
Six Word: A girl can dream, can't she?
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I could be perfect for you.
my friends recommend,
I ease up on the time we spend.
I wish I didn't have to pretend
to protect myself, to defend
what inside of me, what needs to mend.
when will this confusion end?
will you please just tell me if I'm just a friend?
prom.
I hate prom.
I hate the glitter.
I hate the fluff.
I hate the cheesy love songs.
I hate prom kings/prom queens.
I hate how people tell me "it's not a big romantic deal, it's just a dance" when their boyfriend's have already asked them.
I hate it when I think I might have that miniscule glimmer of hope of getting asked when in reality, no guy wants to date me.
I hate the sour pang I get in my stomach when all my friends sit and chat about what color their dresses are going to be, where they are getting their nails done, if they should wear heels or not.
I hate hearing "Boys, don't forget to get your dates for prom!" over the morning announcements, as if they have forgotten about prom all together.
I hate downcasting my eyes and wringing my hands when I say "no" when I've been questioned if I've been asked to prom or not.
I hate the consuming feeling of jealousy that I can't do nothing about until this stupid dance is over.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Date #2
I feel like im always writing something. sorry you probably get sick of hearing from me ha my b.
So question.... since I obviously have no idea what goes on in the mind of the male species maybe one of you will understand this.
AT (what we'll call him) has asked me on dates before and we've hung out before but it's never gone anywhere and every time I start to like him he magically hooks up with someone else and I do a complete mind drain and forget him easily. Weve always been really good friends though. and hes drop dead sexy. anyways. So recently I heard from a friend of his that he was going to ask either me or another girl to prom and of course he asked her ( I didnt even know they were friends but thats totally fine I could care less about prom) so I just figured they had a thing and dropped everything. But he's still asking to hang out and stuff all the time. Our second real official date is tonight. Rock climbing up the canyon. The date sounds good to me but I don't really know what kind of a date it is. Usually if its two official dates right in a row that means something right? I'm a little confused so im going to keep it friends till we figure out whats going on.... crud.
So question.... since I obviously have no idea what goes on in the mind of the male species maybe one of you will understand this.
AT (what we'll call him) has asked me on dates before and we've hung out before but it's never gone anywhere and every time I start to like him he magically hooks up with someone else and I do a complete mind drain and forget him easily. Weve always been really good friends though. and hes drop dead sexy. anyways. So recently I heard from a friend of his that he was going to ask either me or another girl to prom and of course he asked her ( I didnt even know they were friends but thats totally fine I could care less about prom) so I just figured they had a thing and dropped everything. But he's still asking to hang out and stuff all the time. Our second real official date is tonight. Rock climbing up the canyon. The date sounds good to me but I don't really know what kind of a date it is. Usually if its two official dates right in a row that means something right? I'm a little confused so im going to keep it friends till we figure out whats going on.... crud.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
stuttering..
it goes something like this:
he (known as TT) calls me.
he texts me.
he hangs out with.
he takes me out.
yet everytime I'm with him...
he teases me/tortures me/rubs it in my face that he can never be mine.
problem, maybe?
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