Identity Crisis

Everyone has their labels. Computer nerd, jock, goth, slut etc etc. I have had trouble defining myself with a label. But it had to happen. Of course no one is permitted to label themselves and the responsibility is therefore left to those around them. I was recently forced to meet my doom. The Tease. It was Gerald that took the initiative of labeling me. He must have just realized the truth. I would have warned him, but I didn't know either...

Being a tease seems hopeless. I should try to change right? Right?? What if I don't want to? What if I realize that it's horrible, that I won't have real relationships, and that boys will eventually, as CC puts it, "give up all hope", and I still can't begin to think about changing? What if I'm so lazy, I don't want to put myself through such an exhausting process? Now that I consider it, I don't know how to be anything else.

Freckles' Sad Poem

This poem was written by CC Lemondrop in an e-mail to me. She is a talented individual.

(This is a work of fiction, artistic liberties have been taken and it may contain inside jokes, stories and peanuts.)

Eythan is a funny boy

Who doesn't know what to do.

He likes Freckles and wants her bod

But Rainbow wants him too.

Rainbow is a funny girl

Who likes Eythan dear.

She doesn't want some lame-o crap

But crap isn't a main fear.

Ben is a funny boy

Who Freckles has a thing for.

But he likes Sue, the normal girl

And I can't say much more.

William is a funny boy

Who loves Freckle's true heart.

He'll buy it, steal it, beg and plead,

Just to have a part.

Freckles is a funny girl

With a heart of gold.

She doesn't know how to tell Will

Her heart will not be sold.

Freckles likes a lot of boys,

As friends and lovers and more.

Even though she likes them all,

She's not a dirty bore.

CC is a funny girl

Who wrote this awesome rhyme.

Maybe if you try and try,

You can be like her with time.

Age Sucks

Why is it that I can’t like a guy younger than me, even by 9 days?

Why is it that I don’t find any teenage male attractive, physically or personally?

Why is it that I can be so immature that the only guys that like me are perverts or only 13? (Oh wait, isn’t that the same thing?)

Why is it that I bounce between crushes on teenage boys and crushes on guys in their mid-twenties and crushes on movie stars and a strange attraction to sports cars and chalupas?

Why is it that the first guy I ever connected with on an intellectual level was 8 years my senior... oh, and I only met him once?

Why is it that I can’t stand 75% of all males, but I still have a problem with the lack of problems in the other 25%?

Why is it that the only guy close to my age that I understand intellectually fits in that 25% category, lives in California, is in love with my perfect, beautiful friend, and is a diehard conservative?

Why is it that I’m thoroughly worried about this when I’m not even 16 yet? I’m giving myself a headache.

The Importance of Timing

I wish Freckles would post on this site. She really needs to. She could really add a lot of knowledge. The fact that she keeps her knowledge from us is selfish and beachy. (Just kidding, Freckles. You know you have ALL MY LOVE.)

Just a quick reminder to those who would like to post on this blog: please put labels on your posts. This will someday make it easier to find specific topics; i.e. scamming, timing, movies, etc.

I would like to take a moment here to talk to you, and all readers, about the importance of timing. Whether or not this applies to you, it's a good time to learn about timing.

I recently made an important discovery. The thing about all relationships is TIMING. There is a faint possibility that any girl and any guy could be compatible if the timing was right. Unfortunately, all heartbreak is a result of bad timing. Think about it.

All of this being hypothetical: Bonnie and Clyde break up because Clyde said the wrong thing at the wrong time. A strong relationship built on crime, GONE, because of one stupid comment. Jack can't get Jill because Jill is hung up on Humpty Dumpty. However, Jill finally notices Jack after the candle stick incident, but by that point, Jack could have ANY girl (within the realm of Mother Goose.) Naturally Jack goes after Little Bo Peep. Stupid blondes.

Let's look at my favorite stupid TV show, Gossip Girl. Blair and Nate break up (the first time) because Nate's dad is a drug addict and he can't keep any promises to Blair since he's so stressed. This is driving Blair batty. So they break up. And exactly 20 minutes after breaking up with her life-long boyfriend, Blair performs at a speak-easy then loses her virtue to Nate's best friend, Chuck, in the back of a moving vehicle. Admit it, we all liked it. Naturally.

Or we could look at the example of Rufus (who is cuter than his name) and Lilly. They want so much to be together, but they can't because their KIDS are dating. That's right; Serena and Dan are dating, and it would just be cruel for Lilly and Rufus to get together at this point. Because SERENA CAN'T BE SLEEPING WITH THE SON OF THE MAN HER MOM IS SLEEPING WITH. Naturally. (Luckily for Lilly and Rufus, it looks like Serena and Dan are over after the little Georgina incident during the Lincoln Hawk concert. Which ended with Lilly and Rufus sharing a passionate kiss in the rain. Which could put a dent in Lilly's upcoming marriage to Chuck's dad. NATURALLY.)

What it comes down to: While I don't condone getting life advice from Gossip Girl, or any CW show, it is true that relationships are just about timing. Bad timing=trouble. Good timing=possibility.

She's Trying to Hook Up With My Boyfriend!

• CC,

Thank you for helping me out here. I will call you later for you to tell me how I'm supposed to tell him this. I feel way way bad. :( So I need to come up with something that doesn't make me sound like a horrible person.

I think that I will most definitely need to watch The Office. Maybe get season three. You will have to buy the ice cream and I'll by that season. We will eat and watch and discuss all our problems and what not. :)

• Others :/

New Problem:::: What do I do about stupid girls (one girl named Hailey Lund, yuck) that are trying to hook up with Dustin when she knows he is going out with me? I mean, I can't just tell her to stop. She will want to fight me, and I find girl fighting very immature and pointless. Hence, I must either, trust Dustin exceedingly much. Or figure a way to where she doesn't talk to him anymore. I can't trust her as his friend, because she is honestly a slut with STD s. What to do what to do....???

Tell Dust

Rainbow: I know what you're talking about. And you need to tell Dust.

I wish I could be there for you, but I'm in Las Vegas. If you need to urgently talk to someone, I have my cell phone and nothing to do here. I'd love to talk to you. Please call.

I think you should tell Dust because it's not fair to him, and more than that, it's not fair to you. When I get back, we can watch stupid TV shows and eat ridiculous amounts of ice cream if you need it. Love you.

To Tell or Not to Tell?

Well, you see, yesterday was a very horrendous day for me. I cried almost all day. I finally told this kid how I felt about him (yeah, I probably shouldn't be doing so, seeing that I have a boyfriend). But you have to understand that this other kid was in my life way before my present boyfriend. Anyways, I told him that I really do believe that I loved him when we were "together" and it took me way after we "broke up" to realize it. I told him I still had feelings for him, and how I really wish that we were better friends. I also told him that he was the reason I cried after my birthday party at Freckles' house. You see, I was there with Dustin, and yet I still felt something towards ... this guy. I told Dustin about that though. I guess I don't regret breaking off whatever we were (we weren't official exactly), but I regret that it ruined our friendship.

After venting to him about all my life problems and everything I felt, I then felt a new emotion that I hadn't been feeling that day... stupidity. I shouldn't have told him anything. It might make things awkward for us. Maybe not though. Supposedly we are tight and we are going to hang out. I won't be telling Dustin about this blog. I feel horrible though. Maybe I should tell him.

Any suggestions on what I should do, ay? I don't want to tell him, because I already told him about my thoughts and feelings at my birthday party, and if I tell him this, he might think I'm going to leave him or something. Which, I won't due. At least not for this other guy (My proof that I'm not going to is this: 1. he likes one of my good friends[she likes him back] 2. I don't do the whole, being with someone, breaking up, and being with them again in the future.) I think those 2 reasons are good enough. I sound extremely dumb right now and so I'm going to stop blabbering on about this whole messed up situation. please, PLEASE! Give me suggestions on whether I should tell Dust or not :/

A Conversation With An Actual Boy

I was just talking to Bryce (an actual boy) and he seemed confused as I tried to explain The Boy Blog. Secrets were revealed.

Secret #1: Bryce said, "I don't see what the big mystery is."

I said, "Actually, you're right. The problem isn't boys. The problem is that girls HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY WANT."

Secret #2: Later in the conversation, I expressed the sudden thought I had. "THAT'S IT. Freckles was right all along. It's just hormones."

Bryce said, "Yes, but they are there for a great, wise purpose."

That's my new favorite quote. And I think those are 2 important secrets. What do you all think?

My Cute Kissing Story

Hello Girls! CC here. STORY TIME.

I've always been against boys who tell all their friends about any kissing that they do, but girls are not as ridiculous as boys, therefore, it is my right to share this story with you. As far as I know, it is not a scamming adventure. It might be labeled that later depending on the outcome, but for now, this was a totally legit experience.

I went to a dance last night. The theme was "Black & White," and I was wearing some really hot stuff. I won't bore you with details. I was told that I looked like the following: A hot slut, a Barbie, a hooker, gothic, and hot, beautiful, and irresistible. (I insisted on being called the last 2. I told them it was nicer than "hot.") This dance was held at my old school, and it was kind of neat because for once I didn't feel like my new school and my old school had to stay in separate realms. That made me feel pretty satisfied, and maybe that's why I had the... guts? Bravery? Stupidity? Whatever it took to do what I did.

Character Introduction: Paul. A good friend. I met him last year in 9th grade, and we've just always been pretty tight. Well not for the beginning of this year, but a month or so ago, he walked me home (to my cousin's) from school, and we've been good friends again ever since.

At the dance, I was mixing and mingling with a lot of different people, but I found myself wanting to spend the most time with Wendel (who happened to be hanging out with Garrett, keep this in mind for later.) Anyway, Garrett asked me to make out with him (in a sly way, and jokingly, I think.) I informed him that he should have asked me at the last dance. I danced with Paul a few times, mostly because I'm most comfortable with him.

And I had a sudden realization.

I started to exit the dance during one of the songs. I suddenly felt very conflicted. Lucky me, Carlie was outside and she could tell something was up. She asked me if I needed to talk. I said yes, and we sat on a nearby bench.

Our Conversation: "I think I like Paul," I confessed. She paused a moment and said, "CC, I've come to a conclusion about Paul."

(Side note: Carlie frequently "comes to conclusions" about things. I trust her judgment a lot.)

"Oh?" I asked. Carlie said, "Yes. I think Wendel has changed a lot for the better [this is a paraphrase; don't really remember what she said] and I was watching you guys dance, and I was just thinking how great it would be if you guys liked each other." With Carlie's stamp of approval, I told her the next bit of information. "I want to kiss him." Carlie didn't seem shocked, and Melanie then came over, and the conversation ended.

Reasons I Like Paul:

1. He walks me home from school (when I'm staying with my cousins.)

2. He showed me a rope swing.

3. He went with me to visit my grandmother. Only really good friends do that.

4. He helps me study Spanish and laughs even though I can't speak it at all.

5. He rode my bike up the hill back to Sarah's that day and let me drive with Lance.

6. He teaches me how to say, "Can we dig out of this prison?" and "I have a wealthy father back in America!" in preparation for the trip to Mexico.

7. Even though sometimes he's not sure how to act, he does seem to want to be a good person.

The Results: I went back into the dance and partied some more, when I suddenly looked at the clock and realized the time. I had 5 minutes. I told myself, "CC, it's now or never." Paul asked me to dance the last dance, (oh dear, this part makes me sound like a dork or a seductress, take your pick) and I suggested we kind of go off into a corner. If I was going to tell him that I liked him, I didn't want someone kicking me while I said it. Kids from my school like to kick people when they dance. It's weird.

In the corner, I said, "Paul, I think I like you. No, screw that, I know I like you." The next part wasn't supposed to come out, especially considering I'm sometimes bad at being so forward. "Can I kiss you?" I asked. Let's not discuss that guys are totally supposed to be the ones to take initiative. Because I've never been one for traditionalism. While there are a million things wrong with this next part, and I know it, he said, "Let's do it." And so I kissed him. Just 2 seconds or so. Not long. Then I pulled back and laughed. (It's a CC thing.) I suddenly had the brilliant idea to clarify with him that he was not allowed to tell anyone (nothing like restriction to ruin a moment) and obviously this rule doesn't apply to me. After I said that, he surprised me by kissing me. And while I don't want to share all details, I do want to say, it was a personal, sweet kiss. And it made me feel special. After that, he laughed a little bit and said, "Dang. Kim and Matt are coming over." I laughed, too. Kim and Matt came over and asked, "So what are ya doin?" And we were all innocent-like when we responded, "Nothin..."

Anyway, there's a little more to the story, but I went up to the cabin with Alice and Melanie last night, so I didn't have phone service. I wonder if I should call Paul. I'm not too worried. But I don't know what this means, but it's exciting! And even though I'm suddenly feeling anxious, I'm very, very happy. :)

The End: ????

(added 1/5/09)

Hello, friends. I'd like to report... this story did indeed turn out to be a simple scamming adventure. Because I'm bipolar. Heh heh.

Answering Question about Younger Guys

CC's question:
Why do only younger guys ever like me or flirt with me? (PLEASE don't tell me it's just because I'm immature.)

My answer::
First of all, it's not only younger guys that like you. Older guys or even the same age guys are stupid and are still too immature to tell you they like you (most of the time). I know for a fact that there is bound to be at least 2 older guys that like you and find you attractive. I mean, you are gorgeous and you have such great attributes to you. Namely, good personality, cute face, cute butt (I just want to pinch it :P), and just... you are just great all around. Younger guys just show there feelings towards you and flirt with you because they are attracted to your immaturity. I can't lie. You have been known to be immature. That isn't a bad thing at the slightest! And besides, you should like it when younger guys like you. Because most older guys just want one thing. And everyone knows what that is, so no need for me to state it here.

I hope this has helped. I doubt I have, but I tried for your benefit because I love you :)

Answering Questions About Fist Fights

Rainbow, I have decided to take it upon myself to answer your questions. With this in mind, you must answer my ONE question.

Answer #1: Why do boys think it's cool to get in fist fights?

To research for this, I asked an actual boy. He will remain anonymous. This is what he said, "Ummm.... Because most boys aren't socially advanced enough to talk it out and if they are, it's because they're bigger than the other one and don't have time to be humiliated."

Hm... I wonder what side of the spectrum HE'S on!?!?!?

Another guy just explained it's because guys get bored.

Answer #2: Why do they act like they don't care what you do, but then you ask to go somewhere with another guy (just as a friend), and he tells you he doesn't feel comfortable with it?

To be quite honest, Rainbow, this is just an ego-problem that many guys seem to have. The interesting paradox is that the guys with ego problems are the only guys who have girlfriends, and therefore, they always must have some power over their girls. I'm sorry this is true and I wish I could change it. The only other option is castrating every single one of them. Any volunteers?

Answer #3: What is so horrible about watching chick flicks?

If you have not yet put it together, it's all ego. Antsy Pants has just informed me (she is sitting here) that boys without egos are gay. We put the pieces together. Also, boys who like the book Twilight are gay. Just to forewarn you.

My Question begins with a story.

Story time: I was at school today (shocker, I know) and was in a fairly good mood. I pulled out my pretty computer to play with Photo Booth. Many people gathered around, and this one kid from my school (much younger than me) started doing weird kissy things to me in the pictures.

My Question: Why do only younger guys ever like me or flirt with me? (PLEASE don't tell me it's just because I'm immature.)

Asking Questions About Fist Fights

I just have a couple questions that are bouncing around in my mind. Will people please give me answers?

-Why do boys think that it's cool to get in fist fights?

-Why do they act like they don't care what you do, but then you ask to go somewhere with another guy (just as a friend) and he tells you he doesn't feel comfortable with it? Honestly, you act like you don't care and nothing is a big deal until it comes down to the nitty gritty.

-My last question... What is so horrible about watching chick flicks? It shouldn't matter what you watch, as long as you're spending quality time together. He doesn't see me complaining when we watch weird action movies.