Dear-

There are someday when I still wonder what we could have been.


It's been some months since things began to spiral out of control and we lost out soft grip on what we wanted so much. I sit in the fields of swaying wheat and lay in the shade of willow trees and my mind still waltzes in thoughts of you. When my thoughts whisper your name, my mind scatters and scavenges to find the broken pieces of you that hide carefully in the corners of my dusty head. As much as I pretend to be healed and be strong, I still find myself subconsciously smiling at the frozen moments in time that I shared with you.


Frozen moments: that's one way to describe them.


I think about the future, mostly. I constantly as myself if things will honestly work out, if I'll ever see you again, if you'll really always stay my friend. You think that I am worrying about the future, but I'm not. I know, now, that change is inevitable and the pain that I feel I must embrace and burn it as fuel for the journey. But, I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you. I wonder if you ever feel bad for not calling me, for never stopping by to say hello...I wonder if I died tonight, would you regret anything? Or would you put on the classic attitude saying our friendship was sufficient and you would let your memory of me rest in peace?


Well, that's not up to me.


I'm staring at the stars and wondering if we're still under the same sky, on the same planet, in the same galaxy. For the short time that you haven't seen me I have changed as much as possible. I'm no longer sensitive to distance. I don’t' attach to people to quickly and on such a deep level.


I miss you, but I have vowed to not stick around for you.