Prom

I've been asked to prom by Paul. No, not CC's Paul. (There must be something in the name.) As such, I am nothing but estatic to go with him! Seriously, I get a butterfly-in-my-stomach sort of feeling everytime I think about it. (Okay, call me cheesy, it's okay) Anyway, so then I start to think it through. Because of course, I am Red Tulip and over think anything and everything.

So I start thinking....

I have come to three possible reasons why Paul has asked me:

• Paul is my friend, and wanted to go to prom with a friend.

Why this is likely.... Paul is sweet, charming, charismatic, and... very flirtacious. Girls can't help but atleast think about liking him. Paul however, probably thinks nothing of it. He's easy going most of the time.

• Paul genuinely likes me, and wanted to go to prom because this is his "way of showing it." Because as previously stated on this blog... you just don't talk to boys about your feelings. Basically, this has never even been a subject topic for us.

Why this is unlikely... Look at the description above under my first conclusion. Need I say more? I'll expound... It's like he sends mixed signals. (What a shocker! Close the open mouth please)

• Paul thinks, okay maybe even knows, that I sort of, kind of, okay probably like him. I'm so confused, I don't even know myself. Anyway, so he asked out of pity or just to be nice.

Why this is extremely likely... I didn't think I was the type of girl to show a guy that I liked him, not until I had atleast a hint to what he was thinking. But, apparently a lot of people say they can see it. CRAP. That goes against my personal code or what not. I'm really leaning towards this option, not because I'm pessimistic, but realistic. I mean honestly....

Anyway, those are my conclusions. I'm going to pretend like I didn't think this through at all, and have a good time regardless. Like I said... butterfly feeling, I swear!

Love Me or Leave Me

We had just met and you said I was beautiful
all that you said made me think you were wonderful
and we stayed up all night
and we talked about life
and you told me I was
beautiful

And then came that party, I met all your friends
there were pretty girls as thick as air
and the longer I stayed
the clearer it became
that you couldn't see me there

Don't treat me like I'm special if I'm not
and never will be
my heart just cannot take another shot
of jealousy
don't look at me like I'm your world
then look that way at another girl
I deserve better
don't have to believe me
but I can't live like this
so love me
or leave me

You say that I'm smart, I can tell that you mean it
you tell me I'm funny, I know you believe it
you're the kind of guy
who cannot tell a lie
and you don't know that you're
beautiful

But don't treat me like I'm special if I'm not
and never will be
my heart just cannot take another shot
of jealousy
don't look at me like I'm your world
then look that way at another girl
I deserve better
don't have to believe me
but I can't live like this
so love me
or leave me

And don't
make me laugh so much
and don't
smile when we touch
and don't
tell me that we can be friends
when it either begins or it ends

And don't treat me like I'm special if I'm not
and never will be
my heart just cannot take another shot
of jealousy
don't look at me like I'm your world
then look that way at another girl
I deserve better
don't have to believe me
but I can't live like this
so love me
or leave me

Sober

Hi. My name is Alice and I'm a love-aholic. I have been clean now for two months and six days.

Hi Alice.

I haven't cried myself to sleep in weeks. I have made new friends. I've been on dates. I've had endless fun. I'm terrified of being alone. I have given my number to a dozen boys in the past two weeks alone. I do what I want. I feel sexy. People like me. I hang out with guys. I talk to strangers.

I'm terrified of being alone.

Today I was hanging out with the guy I've been spending pretty much all my time with since we met a week and a half ago. A genuinely nice guy who's fun to be around and made me happy. His sense of humor is about a thousand miles from family friendly, and he's the playboy poster child for the NCMO movement (Non-Committal Make-Out). When he's not calling me Lissers, he's calling me 'Rated G.' I promised myself when we first met that I wasn't going to fall for him.

Today as we were driving somewhere, he put his arm around me, causing my eyebrows to raise. I'm not generally comfortable with pretty much any kind of physical contact with the opposite sex. I glanced over and noticed that his other arm was around the two girls on the other side of him, causing my eyebrows to lower considerably. I realized that what I minded was not the arm around me, but the arm around the other girls.

I removed his arm from my shoulders.

I don't think I'm going to hang out with him anymore.

Feelings = Don't Tell Boys!

CC talking about how boys don't need to know what we discuss on here made me think of this, so I'll just write it out for you. Boys are the worst people to talk to about feelings. No matter who the boy is, it doesn't make a difference. Unless that boy is gay or Aren Muse, but that doesn't even count.

Story: An example that I have involves Dustin (Weird, I know) when I tried to break up with him the first time last May. I told him why I wanted to break up and how I felt about everything, might I add I was balling the whole time, and he just laughed at me! I found it incredibly rude. Who laughs at the feelings of a person that you care about? That doesn't even make sense. He continued to tell me how what I was saying was stupid. First he laughs at me, and second he pretty much said I was stupid. Seriously? I gave up on telling boys things after that.

Advice: Don't tell boys your feelings. It never works. Tell your friends and the blog. :)

I Sit Here and Laugh

I would just like to announce the fact that Matt Richards asked me to prom... maybe two weeks ago? And FYI... it was through a text. Normally I wouldn't care, but he's just being... [INSERT OWN ADJECTIVE]

I told him no.

He's now asked maybe 5 girls after me? I just sit here and laugh.... really, really, really hard!