prom.

I hate prom.

I hate the glitter.

I hate the fluff.

I hate the cheesy love songs.

I hate prom kings/prom queens.

I hate how people tell me "it's not a big romantic deal, it's just a dance" when their boyfriend's have already asked them.

I hate it when I think I might have that miniscule glimmer of hope of getting asked when in reality, no guy wants to date me.

I hate the sour pang I get in my stomach when all my friends sit and chat about what color their dresses are going to be, where they are getting their nails done, if they should wear heels or not.

I hate hearing "Boys, don't forget to get your dates for prom!" over the morning announcements, as if they have forgotten about prom all together.

I hate downcasting my eyes and wringing my hands when I say "no" when I've been questioned if I've been asked to prom or not.

I hate the consuming feeling of jealousy that I can't do nothing about until this stupid dance is over.

I Sit Here and Laugh

I would just like to announce the fact that Matt Richards asked me to prom... maybe two weeks ago? And FYI... it was through a text. Normally I wouldn't care, but he's just being... [INSERT OWN ADJECTIVE]

I told him no.

He's now asked maybe 5 girls after me? I just sit here and laugh.... really, really, really hard!

Prom Report

I went to my old school's prom tonight... WITH A DATE. Yes, CC got a date and went to a dance. Who's Little Miss Suzie High School now? When you are asking a guy to prom, a typically guy's choice dance, you have to be careful who you ask.

I always make the first move. I used to think it was because I was ugly or stupid or unappealing and THAT'S why I always had to make the first move... but I've come to the conclusion that guys are just really intimidated by me. And that's the way it's going to be. (Sparkle, I wasn't lying when I said that you shouldn't introduce me to your guy friends - they will DISAPPEAR when I'm around. What can I say? I have more balls than most guys I know. Hm... that didn't come out like I meant it to.) I felt pretty confident with my choice to ask Riley.

Riley. 18 years old. Jenn's friend. Met him at a bonfire last weekend. We cuddled. I swear that's as far as it went. Seemed sweet. Smart. Good idea. Good plan-making. Good impression on my friends. Pretty good date experience. Not so good date person. Sure, he opened doors and walked me to my doorstep. Sure, he wasn't afraid to actually dance. But after a few hours, I was just so sick and tired of hearing him talk about himself!

But that's not actually who I wanted to talk about! I know I've talked about Wendle before, such as an experience in a certain dark corner of a gym last spring that never turned in to anything more than just an experience in a dark corner. But Wendle never ceases to grab my attention. Tonight, he grabbed me during a slow song before my date got to me and pulled me outside.

It was raining.

To hell with rationalization. Marry me, Wendle. Okay, for reals though, he told me that he'd been dancing with other girls out there too. But I'm sure I'm different. You know why? Because I stole his lip virginity last spring and he's never going to get that back! Mwahahahahaha. Anyway, I was dancing in the rain with Wendle. I was so infinitely happy I didn't know what to say. I was even too happy to think about kissing him! Also, I had a date, so I couldn't kiss him. (I kept reminding myself that I had a date over and over. Like every five seconds - "Wait Wendle! I have a date!" But seriously folks.)

Wendle rocks my world. Here is why. Last year when he would walk me to my cousin's house after school, he showed me a rope swing that we ended up playing on for a long time. (Plus 5 points.) He has never been afraid to be himself. He doesn't try to impress anyone. He has always and will always rock out at dances. (Plus 8 points.) No matter who he's friends with, he keeps a generally real grasp on longer term decisions. (Plus 5 points.) He kissed me in the corner of a gym at a school dance just because I wanted to and there was no weirdness after and our friendship was completely unaffected. (Plus 8 points.) He brought me out to dance in the rain NOT because he knows girls think that's romantic, but because it feels good to dance in the rain, dammit! (Plus 10 points.) On the downside, my mom thinks I should date Wendle. (Minus 25 points.)

Great night.

(Added 1/20/2010: Here are the facts. No matter how many times I think how great Wendle is, he ALWAYS does something that makes me want to bash his head into a wall! And frankly I'm not attracted to him. The perfect guy always has those issues...)

The "It's Just Hormones" Theory Proved Wrong

Too exhausted to think of a more witty title. And "The unexpected date that did not come back to the 'It's just hormones' theory" seemed too long.

This tale really should begin before I had a date at all. I'd been planning to ask this kid from my seminary class. As we were leaving seminary I was walking to catch up with him when his girlfriend, yes, his girlfriend, hopped up and held his hand. That could have been a very awkward situation.

So still wanting a date I didn't know well, but feeling a little desperate, I was surprised when Bad A Beyonce found me the next day and said "You should ask Brad to MORP!" mm...my first thought: "how long have you guys been going out, again?" I just laughed and told her she must be kidding. But you see, Bad A's mom has forbidden their relationship to continue so taking him to MORP wasn't happening. Ten minutes later she'd texted me his number and told me that he was excited to go. oh.

I'd planned on treating Brad like a brother. Or just a friend's boyfriend.

Even through text he was really optimistic about everything.(7 points) Bowling was a success. Brad was really good...mmm... but he had an amazing balance between being humble about it while not putting himself down.. (6 points) He smelled good.(4 points) He makes one feel as though he's never thought of himself before and only the comfort of others. When he went to use the bathroom, he actually said "Excuse me, I need to use the restroom. I'll be right back." before leaving me... whoa. who's his mother? (7 points)

Even though it was a girls' choice dance he opened every door for me. (5 points) At dinner at Kevin's house, he pulled out my chair for me. (8 points) Then asked if I wanted lemonade and grabbed my glass that I'd forgotten about. (6 points) He told me I looked pretty (or something to that effect) after dinner when I put CC's huge black bow in my hair. (10 points) He never once said anything even slightly demeaning to anyone. Not even in a joking way. So polite. Saying 'excuse me' and 'thank you' even when it might not be necessary. But not in an overwhelming or annoying way. Just casually. (9 points)

At the end of the date I walked him to his door. So he says "Did you have a good time?" Yet again focusing on anyone but himself. (5 points) I awkwardly shook his hand. Hey, don't mock. I was not about to even consider hugging Bad A Beyonce's boyfriend. Not to mention I'm not the "free love, hugging" type. He took that in stride. (4 points)

This whole time I was trying so hard to be super optimistic and energetic and enthusiastic because I was worried about him being uncomfortable or miserable. Mostly I felt inadequate. And highly undeserving.

At the end of this all, I came to an unexpected conclusion. I actually expected myself to be utterly smitten with him in every way. To be honest, I'm not. What I mean is that "It's just hormones" idea never came into play. I never felt that. Yes I was impressed with his supreme gentleman like behavior and his balance between seeming perfection and terrific quirks. But I don't feel like I have a "crush" on him. I feel more like I'd rather just be great friends and get to know him more. The whole spend-time-with-people-who-have-traits-you-want-to-adopt idea...

Is that why I feel unhappy? I think I'd be more normal feeling if I had a big hormonal crush on him haha. But when all I want is to have a new guy friend that doesn't like me (Swede...), it's somehow unsatisfying to know that it's not really plausible. We might say 'hi' now, but hanging out? Yeah right. Bad A Beyonce set up the date, but that does not mean that she would be chipper with me if I attempted some sort of friendship. haha. mm. I feel selfish. self centered. 'tis time to do something for somebody else.

My Cute Kissing Story

Hello Girls! CC here. STORY TIME.

I've always been against boys who tell all their friends about any kissing that they do, but girls are not as ridiculous as boys, therefore, it is my right to share this story with you. As far as I know, it is not a scamming adventure. It might be labeled that later depending on the outcome, but for now, this was a totally legit experience.

I went to a dance last night. The theme was "Black & White," and I was wearing some really hot stuff. I won't bore you with details. I was told that I looked like the following: A hot slut, a Barbie, a hooker, gothic, and hot, beautiful, and irresistible. (I insisted on being called the last 2. I told them it was nicer than "hot.") This dance was held at my old school, and it was kind of neat because for once I didn't feel like my new school and my old school had to stay in separate realms. That made me feel pretty satisfied, and maybe that's why I had the... guts? Bravery? Stupidity? Whatever it took to do what I did.

Character Introduction: Paul. A good friend. I met him last year in 9th grade, and we've just always been pretty tight. Well not for the beginning of this year, but a month or so ago, he walked me home (to my cousin's) from school, and we've been good friends again ever since.

At the dance, I was mixing and mingling with a lot of different people, but I found myself wanting to spend the most time with Wendel (who happened to be hanging out with Garrett, keep this in mind for later.) Anyway, Garrett asked me to make out with him (in a sly way, and jokingly, I think.) I informed him that he should have asked me at the last dance. I danced with Paul a few times, mostly because I'm most comfortable with him.

And I had a sudden realization.

I started to exit the dance during one of the songs. I suddenly felt very conflicted. Lucky me, Carlie was outside and she could tell something was up. She asked me if I needed to talk. I said yes, and we sat on a nearby bench.

Our Conversation: "I think I like Paul," I confessed. She paused a moment and said, "CC, I've come to a conclusion about Paul."

(Side note: Carlie frequently "comes to conclusions" about things. I trust her judgment a lot.)

"Oh?" I asked. Carlie said, "Yes. I think Wendel has changed a lot for the better [this is a paraphrase; don't really remember what she said] and I was watching you guys dance, and I was just thinking how great it would be if you guys liked each other." With Carlie's stamp of approval, I told her the next bit of information. "I want to kiss him." Carlie didn't seem shocked, and Melanie then came over, and the conversation ended.

Reasons I Like Paul:

1. He walks me home from school (when I'm staying with my cousins.)

2. He showed me a rope swing.

3. He went with me to visit my grandmother. Only really good friends do that.

4. He helps me study Spanish and laughs even though I can't speak it at all.

5. He rode my bike up the hill back to Sarah's that day and let me drive with Lance.

6. He teaches me how to say, "Can we dig out of this prison?" and "I have a wealthy father back in America!" in preparation for the trip to Mexico.

7. Even though sometimes he's not sure how to act, he does seem to want to be a good person.

The Results: I went back into the dance and partied some more, when I suddenly looked at the clock and realized the time. I had 5 minutes. I told myself, "CC, it's now or never." Paul asked me to dance the last dance, (oh dear, this part makes me sound like a dork or a seductress, take your pick) and I suggested we kind of go off into a corner. If I was going to tell him that I liked him, I didn't want someone kicking me while I said it. Kids from my school like to kick people when they dance. It's weird.

In the corner, I said, "Paul, I think I like you. No, screw that, I know I like you." The next part wasn't supposed to come out, especially considering I'm sometimes bad at being so forward. "Can I kiss you?" I asked. Let's not discuss that guys are totally supposed to be the ones to take initiative. Because I've never been one for traditionalism. While there are a million things wrong with this next part, and I know it, he said, "Let's do it." And so I kissed him. Just 2 seconds or so. Not long. Then I pulled back and laughed. (It's a CC thing.) I suddenly had the brilliant idea to clarify with him that he was not allowed to tell anyone (nothing like restriction to ruin a moment) and obviously this rule doesn't apply to me. After I said that, he surprised me by kissing me. And while I don't want to share all details, I do want to say, it was a personal, sweet kiss. And it made me feel special. After that, he laughed a little bit and said, "Dang. Kim and Matt are coming over." I laughed, too. Kim and Matt came over and asked, "So what are ya doin?" And we were all innocent-like when we responded, "Nothin..."

Anyway, there's a little more to the story, but I went up to the cabin with Alice and Melanie last night, so I didn't have phone service. I wonder if I should call Paul. I'm not too worried. But I don't know what this means, but it's exciting! And even though I'm suddenly feeling anxious, I'm very, very happy. :)

The End: ????

(added 1/5/09)

Hello, friends. I'd like to report... this story did indeed turn out to be a simple scamming adventure. Because I'm bipolar. Heh heh.