I Like Attention. SO SHOOT ME.

Listen up.

This boy sits next to me on my first day in my new Chinese class and says, "Ni hen piao liang!" And I was so surprised that I pretended not to understand what he said even though I am actually pretty good at Chinese and understood it completely. "You're very pretty!" was what he said.

I can't take compliments, but I sure as heck like getting them.

And my first day in another class I transferred into for the new semester, a boy approached me and asked, "Who are you?" It sounded accusatory, so I answered in an equally dumb way: "Your worst nightmare." He blew air out of his mouth and said, "Well if you're my worst nightmare, I hope I have nightmares every night." And I thought, I think I'll like this class. (And is it just me, or are boys getting more clever?)

I'm addicted to being the new girl because, let's just face it, the new girl gets attention.

And I think I'm addicted to attention.

I hate girls like me.

Back to homework now...

Sound Advice

I completely and entirely support the Riley-can-suck-it-Anderson post. I found it comical and enlightening. Might I just add that it seems like boys are very similar to girls in some aspects? It seems as if spreading the word around is quite the addiction...

**Note to bloggers. I heavily suggest you start paying attention to the "Anonymous" and "Sound Advice" comments that are being posted to some of your posts. I've found them to be more than helpful, and this is why I am posting tonight.**

First: "You must remember one important thing, relationships are like buses, another one comes along every fifteen minutes and they all can take you somewhere different."

I've now decided that the more and more I dwell on the fact that Poser van Levels has broken my heart, and that I hate him for it, does nothing. I've focused so much on the negative that I've forgotten why I stuck with it so long. Might I quote my twitter: Why is it that my bad memories are filled with such inexplicable happiness? So! All I'm saying is that I'm in high school, and I need to get over it, which I have. I'm merely saying that I don't feel as if I've fully recovered because I'm still making snide comments. This is my personal goal to stop talking crap on him, and having a more positive attitude. There's got to be some redeaming qualities, or why did I ever date him in the first place? So... even though he's a man whore who preys on the understanding of the female population, I'm making an effort to be nice. (I had to get the last out of my system) This relates to the comment from Anonymous because.... I've changed because of the stupid relationship. I now make fun of everyone possible, have a lowered self image, and have lost all trust with the male population. -Wait, what I meant when I said that was... I now know how to really work at a relationship, have come to the realization that I won't get everything my way, and also now have more realistic expectations for men. Better? Like it was said, the relationships take you all different directions. I'm learning from the last in order to make the next trip more enjoyable. I truly hope this makes sense.

Second:"If the relationship ends, and it's started up again, it will end the same way as before."

I must say I agree with this. I want you to think about how you felt about the relationship after you got back together. Quite honestly, I felt we were constantly on the brink of breaking up again. Merely because, we knew we could reach that point at any time. It was always sitting there waiting to happen. It was always an option that both of us felt like we take. It made it an easier decision to break up the second time? Why? Because we never got back to "normal." We tried, but it was never the same. -Even if we pretended it was. Just saying.

Six word: Sound Advice comes from unexpected places.

Six word to make up for the lack of one on my last post: Smothering the flames leaves aching ribs.

It all started at the door-step

Adding on to CC Lemondrop's comments about a certain R. A...

We started talking in the summer when I was in mid-breakup with the previous disaster but that's a whole other story. Right after the break-up I came home from vacations and soccer camp and we went on our first date.

It all started at the door-step that night.

I knew he was going to kiss me and of course I was chewing gum but I only expected a simple peck so I just had it on the side of my mouth... All of a sudden there was a sneak attack by tongue and my gum was gone... so awkward! So I pulled out and said "Um I think you have my gum, you can spit it out on the grass.." and I turned and walked inside, secretly freaking out and sooo embarrassed.

From that moment of the awkward first kiss I was undeniably hooked. We dated from the end of June to the beginning of August. I think in that whole time we maybe hung out 7 times. Lets just say I got ditched a lot... In August after not seeing each other for 2 weeks he took me on a 10 minute date so after he could dumped me because he "didn't know himself" and "this is just High School and we need to date around so we have options for marriage." Is that really how boys think marriage work? well good luck to him! anyways..

I didn't cry once about it. I got super mad but never cried. I thoroughly enjoyed being single at that time because I was getting asked on tons of dates, and I could tell that a certain someone was getting verrrry jealous! After Homecoming, which was really fun, R.A. texted me and told me we needed to talk at school on Monday. So when Monday came around he stopped me on the way to my Photo class and said, "I know what I want now.. and that's you... if you'll take me back..." Looking back if I could have done it again I would have let him watch me walk away, but being the pathetic girl I am, I was SO excited that he'd seen the light and came back so I decided to give him a second chance.

We started right where we left off, back to boyfriend and girlfriend. He promised this time would be better and he would make more time for me. This happened for maybe 2 weeks before he started to not care again.

The second chance was the same as the first, it just lasted longer. In the whole three months we were together, he called less than 10 times!! (Even after obvious hints...) I really don't know what was going through my mind.. with most people if there's a problem its so easy to tell them whats up, but not with this particular boy, I let him walk all over me. I let it go and tried so hard to make it work this time. After Thanksgiving when I was in California and didn't hear from him once I asked him to call so we could catch up, plan our physics project and plus I was having a terrible day and just wanted to talk. He promised he would call but never did.. should I have been surprised? No. He broke all his promises.

Anyways, he didn't call and that was the end of my patience. I was up all night thinking about it and decided he would either fix it or it was over and that was the end. So, that day I decided I would look smokin' hot so he could watch me walk away..a little drastic but it had to happen.. and after physics (when we got a freaking bad grade on our project because he didn't call to plan it!!!!!) I asked why he didn't call and he said

"oh I just went to bed, what did you want?"

"Nothing now... I think you're right about not treating me like I deserve.. I deserve a lot better and if you want to fix this you'll be at my house by the end of the night or I'm gone."

As I turned and walked away he said "Ill be there by six and we can talk..." and as much as id like to say I didn't sit home and wait for him, I did... By eight when I didn't hear from him I decided to go to the gym. He called when I was there at 8:30 giving me obvious attitude saying "We need to talk.." so he met me there in the parking lot and tried to dump me!!! After I had already dumped him!!! Boys and their egos... he just didn't want to get dumped, so he came to tell me his heart was never in it and I hope we can still be friends. I completely kept my composure and managed to get in a few jabs at him before the conversation ended.

This time I really lost it.. I cried for a long time. My mom in turn recommended seeing a therapist.

Thanks mom...

Anyways... isn't it nice when all of your guy friends are their friends too? and how they just love telling you about how the night you broke up he went and made out with a junior girl who'd he been texting for 3 weeks? I had my cry and got it all out and now all I can say is that she is a little skank for weaseling in between us and he is a complete dirt bag for letting her.

So not only is he a jerk but a cheater as well...

And plenty of people have told me so its obviously not a rumor, plus I've seen it.

Now, considering what CC said, R.A. is obviously confused and jealous that I'm about 78% over him and has noticed that I could care less who hes making out with these days, and she has nothing on me. And now that he's breaking down and desperate for attention we can easily make his life a living heck, or we can let it go... I think I might do the first but pretend I took the high road.

Either way good luck to you.... you can cross me off your list of "marriage options" buddy. (:

What would Beyonce do?

I have had 8 boyfriends and all but one turned out to be a complete disaster. After all that you think id have had enough, but no. When do we ever learn? This has brought me to the conclusion that 88% of pre-mi's (pre-missionaries) are worthless when it comes to dating. Beyonce is my idol... honestly who gives Beyonce crap... NOBODY! At this point in life I am past the point of being done with high school relationships. What would Beyonce do? Probably make them beg to take her back, and when theyre on their hands and knees crawling and groveling for her, thats when she would rub their face in the dirt and say "to the left." Thats the new game plan.

I'm Feeling Hateful

Forgetting all that crap I said about privacy earlier, I'd like the world of girls to know how much I hate Riley Anderson. I have to hate someone for the predicament I'm in and it's going to be him. Even if it's really not his fault. I still hate him. This is why.

I get a text from T.S. earlier telling me how pissed he is that I talk bad about him in my physics class to Bad A Beyonce and Scott. Talk bad? I am not going to lie; I have complained about certain things about him to Scott, but it's not like I go around telling everyone he sucks. I even defend him sometimes when people talk bad about him! So when I get this crap-text, I'm automatically pissed. And now T.S. is pissed at me and I'm pissed at him and when he gets home from the wrestling tournament tomorrow night, this house will be VERY PISSY.

Here's my theory on why Riley-Can-Suck-it-Anderson decided to tell T.S. I was ripping on him in physics. In class, I talk to Bad A Beyonce (Riley's ex) and Scott. Riley sits to the side and is pretty much left out of our conversations because of the fact that he's a JERK (something I didn't believe until now). So instead of getting a life, he listens to whatever Bad A Beyonce says thinking "Dang, I screwed myself with that girl," and he overhears bits and pieces of our discussions, some of which might be about T.S.! And because he wants attention that bad, he tells T.S. and decides to add some twists.

Thus we have this problem.

And to think! I used to think Riley was such a great guy!

Since Riley obviously eavesdrops in on my conversations with Bad A Beyonce, he probably knows all about the Boy Blog! So Riley... if you read this... I'll regret saying this later, but... SUCK IT!