Oh, hey... You're still here?

I meant to leave you in high school.

Unfortunately, heartache doesn't end with high school.

So here I am, done with my freshman year of college, heartbroken. Wondering what I did wrong. Wondering what I could or should have done differently. Feeling mighty ridiculous.

But hey. At least it got me back on the ol' Boy Blog.

Cowboys and Biology

Now, I know you've all given up on this blog. We're in college....this is so beneath us...I don't have time...get over yourselves! Please keep posting, since you all just bring me such joy!
Here's a funny story to get things started.....
My friend and I were sitting in biology. Now, there's been this boy in our class that is the sweetest cowboy. My friend decided she wanted this boy to be her next kiss. Yes well, it's a topic of our conversations everyday. We've been trying to come up with plans that would lead him to asking for her number....
Then one day, it all changed.
He was sitting between us, and we were facebook chatting about our scheming plans. As my friend leaned over to watch another YouTube video (Yes I know, we totally pay close attention in biology!) the cowboy happened to look over....
"I wish he'd as for my number.....if he doesn't I'll be so depressed and kill myself!...."
Oh dear. Slight emergency here. She's really not that dramatic, I promise. However, here we are, over exaggerating, and the cowboy read it. Furthermore, he still didn't ask for her number. Double whammy. To make matters worse, when class ended we started talking about him. We were laughing at how awkward and funny the whole thing was, and lamenting about how he STILL didn't get the picture. Little did we know...he hadn't quite left the room. So, not only did he read our entire conversation, but he heard the whole thing in person.
Wow. We are just so great. Have a laugh!

A revolution.

This is the day I take my stand.

Today, from now on, I am promising myself:

-NO more guys who treat me like a sex-object. I am a human. I have a concious and basic decency. I am a female who knows when and where it is appropriate to express my sexuality. I will stand up for my morals.
-NO more guys who think they can manipulate me. I know a womanizer when I see one. You enjoy hunting the weak girls and twirl them in circles until their vision is blurry and their world is distorted. Total control is your goal and you will do next to anything to have it. I will see the signs and defend myself.
-NO more guys who are lazy and unmotivated. Let me sum this up for any guy who is reading this: SHE IS WORTH IT. I will dump any guy who more lazy than I am!
-NO more rudeness and sheer lack of manners. Would it kill you to open a door? Reply to a text message? Make eye contact? Say more than two words? No, it's not impressive when every other word coming out of your mouth is either the f-word of a reference to sex. No, it's not impressive when you slap my butt in public and yell "Man conquer woman!!" NO. It is NOT impressive when you treat me like I don't know anything and that I would be nothing without you! I will expect to be treated with respect and common curteousty.
-NO more guys who always have a condescending remark to give to me. Don't think you're smarter than me because 3/4 of the time, I have the upper hand and know what I'm doing. Your sarcastic and caustic remarks do not HELP they HURT.
-NO more guys who treat us more like a job than a relationship. Sorry sweetie, putting in so many hours will not have me putting out.
-NO more macho boys and single brain-celled male guys. When was the last time you were out of your man cave? I am sick of talking about the best protien powder. I can repreat the story of when you failed 9th grade english and can't graduate anymore. You've told me millions of times how easy all your previous ex-girlfriends were. And it is NOT cool to tell me how you haven't read a book since elementary school. Please, I will do anything for any form of intelligent converation!! I will choose a guy who has brains over muscle any day!

This is what I think:
-YES to guys, not boys.
-YES to guys who are so comfortable with themselves that they encourage me to be comfortable with myself.
-YES to guys who enrich my life and help me grow. I will date a guy who wants me to become bigger than myself, who sees potential in me and our relationship. I will date a guy who laughs in the face of uncertainty, bridles any risk presented, and will hold my hand to constantly remind me we are in this together.
-YES to guys who see me as an equal. When there is a problem, we can address both sides and be fairly represented. When feelings flair, we will let them flair but know how to deal with them. We will be adults and not adolensences. He will respect my thoughts, ideas, opinions. If I am in the wrong, he won't save this opportunity and backstab me later. He will call me out and we will not dwell on the problem, but the solution.
-YES to guys who drop their emotional luggage, don't bother testing the water, and dive in head first. He doesn't believe in being tied down by the past and is optimistic about the future.
-YES to guys who have a constant personality: they would be the same guy I was crazy for and treat me the same way as he would in front of his friends or if we were on a date.

From now on:
-I will not compromise what I want now for what I want in my future.
-I will act like I'm worth it because I am.
-I will encourage risks, grasp challenges, interpret "danger" as "adventure", and enjoy the ride.
-I will remeber that who I date is a reflection of who I am. Dating a egotistical jerk who is prone to temper tantrums? Pick yourself apart before you even think of picking them apart.
-I will respect myself. If I don't, then why would any one else?

May this be a revelation and revolution for any woman who reads this!

Hallelujah!

There has been a miracle ladies! Yes, since the terrible repetitive breakup scenarios since December I have been extreemly cynical and have kept myself sheltered from the world of men (for the most part) but it seems even someone as unlucky as me, ( ex: I got a ticket last night for going 30 around a corner...???) can scrape up a bit of good karma once in a while. We'll call him Tuck. He's the one ive had the secret crush on for months but I was always just one of the guys to him. I decided to let things run it's course and if it happens it happens, if not... nothin else is new you know? So, months go by while im watching him throw himself at specific girls and get played every time. The obvious solution would have been to just like me right? No, we all know from experience that nothing is ever that easy! Well, it just turns out that my BF happens to be his cousin... So we become the 3 amigos, the 3 musketeers, the 3 whatever youd like to call us, and even though at that point Id love a chance with him it was just too perfect as friends and I didnt want to lose that. I was completly content just being friends for once!
All I have to say is I am a firm believer in the saying "The best relationships come out of friendships" because now he is starting to notice me for the things he likes about me and not just what he sees on the outside like every other girl! And he is so adorable and such a gentlemen! Thank goodness for summer!

6 word: Yes! finally a good news blog!!

Lost In the Mazes of Men

hmmm well I check this blog everyday, so I thought I'd post something....

huh, well now that I'm graduated and summer is here, the world has changed. Suddenly I'm being asked on more dates a week than my entire year. To add to this statement, where did all the men come from? Some are coming back, some just stopping by briefly, and some leaving a trail to follow as they walk away.... Boy 1 sent me through a series of mazes. I'd get lost with his mixed signals and his lack of commitment to lead me in the right direction. As far as I could tell, he'd left me in the dust until he got bored again. So I tried to move on, thinking he'd made it clear that I needed to. That's when, shall we call him Bases?, came along. He charmed me right out of the baseball park! I thought he was the greatest guy I'd ever met! So I fell for him. Well, turns out he was an entirely different person than I thought he was. Entirely. He's the type of guy that takes advantage of a girl like me, and then makes a show out of it. What else was I supposed to do besides run away as fast as possible? Now I'm getting crap for moving around too fast.... well sorry if I didn't want to get raped today. Boys really are only after one thing, and I can relate to CC. So judge as you wish, but I'm sick of being treated like crap. I called him Bases, because he tried to make it to home plate, and I wasn't having that! To make matters worse, he's a year younger than me... I'm trying to find someone worth my time, but he seems to be MIA. That or I'm sure the good guys have all been taken. So, I'm off men for the moment. Friends are so much easier to deal with. The lack in drama is welcomed openly, and I'm finally enjoying the lack in pressure. I'm on the run girls, hoping the right guy will catch up to me.

six word: Now I remember necessity for closure.

28 Days

Joshua entered my life on May 2nd, 2010. I politely excused him from it on May 30th, 2010.

I just wrote a long post chronicling the world's fastest unwise relationship. I erased it all and decided to just sum up the lessons I learned from it. There is no point in reliving bad choices and tainting his name beyond his own doing. I share my wisdom instead. Isn't that the purpose of the Boy Blog?

1. There are many boys in the world who are oversexed and under-relationshipped. No matter how certain you are that you could be his saving grace, it is not worth it.

2. Yes, everything your mother and sister and young women's leader said is true. If a boy gets angry with you because you will not have sex with him, he is not what you thought he was, because had you known he would do that, you probably would not have dated him.

3. Even the wisest of girls can fall into the clutches of bad relationships. For many, it lasts long. For me, it lasted exactly 28 days. I have always been one to live life on the fast track. The point it, keep your eyes peeled. No matter what you feel, Galileo's words are true: "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us wth sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."

Be smart, ladies.

tried to give me wings but prefer to travel by foot..

Independence.

Singularity.

Self-reliance.

Life by myself.

How much do I really value my independence?

How much do I care to keep to myself?

How well do I really let other people know me?

Here's my chance. A relationship, someone to be there for me. Someone to exchange book recommendations, help me find my car at wal-mart, get to actually know me.

And what do I do?

I shrug them off, avoid text messages, crumple up into my shell...

I take one good look and I run.

Why do I demand to be refunded the moment I am bought?

Am I ever going to be content?

Sweet Success

I've lived in constant fear that if the one guy I've ever considered myself to love.... would come crawling back. You see PS and I have a history, years in fact, but I'd moved on. It might have taken a few months, but I did it. However, here he comes again looking for a summer romance. The fear lies in that I thought I'd come running back into his arms. I'm proud to say I didn't. We've evolved into two entirely different people. At least, I have. We just don't fit anymore, and we merely make perfect friends. Sure, I fit right under your arm, we still have the same tastes, and yes, there'll probably always be something there. However, I've moved on from you and the girl I was. I just can't do that again!
I'm here to say.... no. I'm sticking it to the man, and proving your manipulation techniques are now transparent and useless.
I'm back.

six word: Bam. Take that corrupting heart breaker.

Dating Younger Guys...?

Now as graduates we face a dilemma...

To date younger guys, or not to date younger guys.

What if he's really cute and sweet blue eyed blonde sexy man but a year younger and your graduated and hes a senior...I mean we've already recycled all the guys our age, and I feel like were a lot more mature now that we're out of high school so maybe we can deal with the drama better?

It would probably never work because you're off to college and hes still in the "mature" state of a senior boy. Perhaps a summer fling?

Just wondering what your opinions are...

6 word: the game is on Lady Cougars

(: were not going to BYU for nothin...

Three woman I wish I was more like

Coco Chanel: honsetly could've cared less about what anyone had to say about her and her taste of fashion. She was often ridiculed for her clothing sketeches and constantly attacked for her structured and clean designs. But her determination quickly made her the most suave, coveted, and high-fashion women of the world. She is independent from others thoughts.

Crystal Renn: A knobby size-zero anorexic to a volumputously curved size twelve plus size model, Crystal Renn has the confidence of a mythological Goddess and the body that every classical painter's dreamed about. She loves her curves, each and every one of them. She not only beat anorexia but is now on a world-wide tour to promote healthy eating and body images. She is physically and emotionally confident.

Billie Holiday: Her voice could hush a room instantly and move people to tears. She could paint colors onto the silence Her vocals, like her style and conduct, was classic and unmatched. She sang about everything- oppression, heartache, being rich, being poor, falling in love, shooting for the moon, and living for herself. She is original and genuine.

nothing short of...

lost.

I am spinning on someone elses axis and nauseous with things I don't have.

I've tried everything (flip my hair, bat my eyes, gloss my lips, touch his arm, laugh at everything, be obnoxiously vulnerable, wear tight clothing, giggle, cry, pout).

And yet,

I still find myself going home

alone.

I wish I had a guy to guide me to my car when I'm lost in the parking lot of Wal-Mart.

I wish I had a guy who would call me when it rains and say "let's go puddle jumping!"

I wish I had a guy that would come to my work soley so we could exhange book recommendations.

I wish I had a guy who would tell me to stop pestering with my looks because he thought I looked beautiful to him.

I wish I had a guy who would show me how to throw a frisbee better and how to make the perfect spaghetti sauce.

I wish I had a guy who sincerely cared about what was in my head, what I thought, and who I wanted to be.

I wish I had a guy who could drive me crazy when we argued but made me crazier when he would kiss me to shut me up.

But who knows.

My eyes are sore from looking,

my hands are chaffed from holding on.

Dried Tears

I never cry these days; it's like I've grown out of it. They make fun of girls by asking guys, "When did you last cry?" and there response is something to the effect of fifth grade. Meanwhile, us poor unfortunate girls have an answer similar to last week, a few days ago, and sometimes.... last night. It truly is unfortunate that most of our emotions are tied to tears. We cry when we're happy, sad, frightened, mad, livid, hurt, surprised, or even when we have Pissed at Men Syndrome. (Why yes, I did just make a Last Song reference.) However, I'm not entirely like this. You see, my tears refuse to come out until breaking point. Normally, I'd say it takes a lot for me to cry, except for once it's been built up...something ridiculously little will set me off. I tribute this to the fact that everytime I cry, I'm always tired and hungry. Regardless, I found myself in near soundless sobs sprawled out on my bedroom floor. Okay so sprawled might have turned into hugging myself listening to the same song over and over and over and over again. But my pathetic situation is unimportant. The purpose of this post is merely to... well I haven't quite figured that out yet. It comes down to....please let graduation come soon!

Lady Gaga Is My Idol

Let's have a talk you and me. Right now. Let's put aside the fact that she is probably a hermaphrodite. I'm glad we got that out of the way. Now let's move on.

Would you ever try to get in a fight with Lady Gaga? NO FOOL! You would run away in fear.

Would you ever want to get between Lady Gaga and her man? NO! She would probably skin you alive and use it for her next music video outfit, and eat your leftovers for breakfast.

I apologize to BadABeyonce right now (because i just realized that this is just like her Beyonce post) for almost shamelessly copying her tribute to the honorable and equally kick A woman, Beyonce, but I just couldn't help myself.

Lady Gaga is a freak genious who eminates the totally cliche phrase "GIRL POWER" but in a whole new way. Needless to say everytime my ex comes up to me and puts on his prince charming smile and starts oozing out buckets of charm, the words to alejandro pop into my head, and I feel like kicking him where it counts and strutting away.

Lady Gaga should be the soundtrack of my life.

W's

Why! Just when I'm over you why do you always start talking to me again! No, ill never go back. You can count on that. In fact, write it down and remind me. You're right. I am jealous that you have a girlfriend (you lying sack of....) so it would really be nice if the occasional conversations we have weren't about her. Thank you, for not texting back when I told you the real reason I can't wait to graduate is to get over you and move on. That is exactly what I intend to do so have fun in your dead end relationship with someone still in high school. Loser.
Anyways...
Wake up! I know its never going to work out for us because you're a just friends type of guy (and I'm OK with that... sorta) and also because you're head over heels for the woman but really, stop wasting your time on her! She's playing you like a pro! It's so obvious. I wish you could see it and would realize that there's someone else who really likes being one of the guys, but would love having a chance with you! If not, that's just fine and I'll still be happy to help you with her games. Thanks for helping me get over him, wether you know you have or not.

Warning! (I know for a fact that there are males that know the URL. Don't ask who what when where why or how but its the same that's always causing trouble. Just putting that out there! In fact he'll probably read this. Hello.)

I decided I'd try it out---

6 word: Find me with your bright eyes.

Notes To Self

Dear Self,
Oh my heavens... we've been through this before! Stop waiting around, and move on! He has one of those things that makes him untouchable.....you know what I'm talking about....a girlfriend! Yeah, now you remember. Well sparky, what are you going to do now? I'm pretty sure waiting on him is a waste of your time, actually I know it is. Also, if you could please stop with the whole... liking one of your ex's again...that's old stuff too. It leaves us feeling confused and all that jazz. I'm certain that things will clear up, if you follow my orders.
Yours truly,
Self

Dear Self,
Your sappy attitude while watching other people fall in love in chick flicks is nauseating. Life is not a movie! Music doesn't que up when life's moments most need it. Nor are your actions scripted out, so you know what to do. You're wrong, there aren't a series of cute moments, one right after the other, after you fall for someone. As a matter of fact, you've got to play your own music in your car while driving away disappointed with your day. You've got to make your own choices, and hope it works out for the best. Those cute moments happen on a rare day, and is filled with disappointment in between. -If at all. Therefore, stop watching Disney and other chick flicks.
Sincerely,
Self

Dear Self,
Snap out of it. If this was anyone else, you'd be laughing at how pathetic they are.
With Love,
Self

six word: Of course it's not easy anymore...

the 7 truths (since Karen has a thing with 7s)

dear _____:

here are the 7 relationship truths about me:

1-as much as I'm trying to avoid and show it, I am a romantic. I enjoy the rush, the burn, the high of being attracted to someone else. I get starry eyed when I hear a love song, queezy when I watch a chick flick, and twitter-patted when the feelings start.

2- I am a passive person. If I am mad at you, you probably will never know. I will try my hardest to make sure things between us are peachy keen and full of rainbows and butterflies. But inside my emotions are probably eating me alive.

3- I am not high maintenance! Despite all the other attention-seeking, emotionally-draining girls you have dated I am a basic girl. I am attracted to simplicity. I do not enjoy complications and complex things. It either is, or it isn't. You either have or you don't have. You either do, or you don't.

4- I'm odd (if you hadn't noticed yet). My bedroom is littered with dyi books, horror novels, and vogue magazines. I sing at the top of my lungs in the car. I make things more awkward then they need to be. I tend to dress like a boy. I procrastinate. My humor's a litte off. I'd rather play video games, etc.

5- I am a jealous creature. Probably more than I am willing to admit in a blog post.

6- If you are going to spoil me, spoil me by spending time with me. I have a problem where if you're out of sight, you are out of mind. If you are physically there, how can I possibly forget about you?

7- I am just as oblivious as you are. What goes through your head? What do you think about me? I am always wishing you would give me somewhat of a hint.

Sincerely confused,

nyk

I'm Pathetic

Wishlist:
1. A boy
2. 18+ years
3. Who doesn't cheat
4. Who wants to hold my hand while we drive
5. Who likes to kiss my cheek as much as my lips
6. Who will let me hang out with my friends a LOT
7. Who tries to understand me instead of change me
8. Who takes care of himself and cares about looking good
9. Who will protect me and keep me safe from others and himself
10. Who doesn't care if I don't want a kiss. He will give me a hug instead

Please, feel free to direct him my way if you see him. I know he's around here somewhere.

yes, confused (to say the least.)

the check list:

- you have a relaxed sense of humor

- you enjoy the same movies I do

- we talk like we've been friends forever

- you are always smiling

- you are friendly

- you call/text me

- you are nothing short of good looking

- you have asked me out on dates

- you make the effort to hang out with me

- I feel relatively normal around you

- you actually have feelings

- you can think for yourself

- you enjoy reading

- you have respect

- you have a job

- you have a car

You are everything I want

but...

I just don't want you like that.

six word: why can't i feel the same?

Potential?

None.
Age? well... a lot older than me.... (cough)...21...(cough)....
Attractive? Extremely
Flirtatious? Very
R.M.? Yes
Off Limits? Totally
Single? Luckily
Ex- Boyfriends Best Friend's Older Brother? Well.... Yes

Six Word: Too Much History. Like You Anyway.

Someone please stop this train....

Do I want another relationship to finish out my senior year? Heck no! Do I still take interest in certain guys? Yes.... So how do I find a compromise? Oh yeah, go for the guy that already has a girlfriend, then there's no problem. curses....




Well you see, Boy #2 has reappeared. (Please see "the good guys" or something like that for previous post) He's back with his cheater of a girlfriend, who complains about how he never listens or gives her his time. First off, he's the best boyfriend a girl could have! He sent her a dozen roses just because the other day. I mean, he listens more than my best friend ever listens to me! These accusations are empty. Regardless, he loves her apparently. Dang it. Well that's okay, because I still get to spend hours of time with him because we share the same extracurricular activity. He still is talking to me everyday, so in essence... I really don't mind. I'm free to like him, without the stress. By stress I mean, "Does he like me?" "Where is this headed?" "Do all my plans include him now?" "Should I stop talking to these other guys?" Nope, I've got none of that! I owe him nothing, and he owes me nothing! It's great actually.



So why am I posting? Well, it comes down to... I've got to get out of here before I actually fall for the guy! I know I'm a bit late, he's already in my dreams (No not like that duh, I mean he randomly appears in my actual dreams). How do I stop this train again? And yes, I am aware that everyone, including the latest magazine, has told me I'm supposed to give up. I just can't seem to actually do that.



six word: would you please dump the girlfriend?